959 Bianca D'Alessio:

Melinda Wittstock:

Coming up on Wings of Inspired Business:

Bianca D’Alessio:

The only thing I knew I could control was how hard I worked and how I showed up. So, I put my head down and I did nothing else really. You know, I think any founder could relate to the early years of their business of being so tunnel visioned and so focused and having something to prove to themselves and to the world that they can do that. And I was in this vacuum and it was, you know, a year and four months later that I picked my head up and I started getting all of these emails sent congratulating me. Congratulations on the rankings, congratulations on the rankings. And I opened this email and I went to go to the link, and I looked at the rankings.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I’m like, oh my gosh, number 14 in the nation. In my first year in business, I was ranked number 14 in the entire country. And my jaw was just on the floor. I ended up toggling to the other screen, and I was ranked number one in New York City and New York State for transaction volume.

Melinda Wittstock:

Many entrepreneurs struggle with sales because all too often they confuse selling with being the worst kind of “salesy”, but truth is, sales is really about authentic connection, empathy, and knowing your own value. You may know Bianca D’Alessio as one of the stars in HBO Max’s Selling The Hamptons. Bianca is a real estate powerhouse, her journey beginning unglamorously as she had to overcome myriad challenges and setbacks to go from a first-year netting only $11,000 to building a $10 billion real estate portfolio. Today she opens up about how to build sales confidence, and how she had to embrace vulnerability and intention to succeed. Plus, she discusses her new book, Mastering Intentions, and offers her insights on the ever-evolving real estate market.

Melinda Wittstock:

Hi, I’m Melinda Wittstock and welcome to Wings of Inspired Business, where we share the inspiring entrepreneurial journeys, epiphanies, and practical advice from successful female founders … so you have everything you need at your fingertips to build the business and life of your dreams. I’m all about paying it forward as a five-time serial entrepreneur, so I started this podcast to catalyze an ecosystem where women entrepreneurs mentor, promote, buy from, and invest in each other. Because together we’re stronger, and we all soar higher when we fly together and lift as we climb.

Melinda Wittstock:

Today we meet an inspiring entrepreneur who is a New York real estate phenomenon. Recognized as the top real estate broker in New York City and New York state, Bianca D’Alessio founded one of the top real estate brokerages in the United States, where she manages a $10bn international real estate portfolio. Her journey was never easy, and Bianca shares how she had to master both vulnerability and intention to manifest success in all areas of her life. Today we talk about the ups and downs of the entrepreneurial journey, and her inside secrets of mastering sales. She says it isn’t just about closing deals: It’s about understanding people at a deep level and having the confidence to lead them through their biggest life decisions.

Melinda Wittstock:

Bianca will be here in a moment, and first:

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Melinda Wittstock:

If you’ve ever struggled with confidence, found yourself stuck in comparison mode, battling imposter syndrome or perfectionism, and wondering how to truly balance ambition, life, and your own values, today’s episode is a must-listen.

Melinda Wittstock:

Look inside any successful entrepreneur’s journey, and you’ll see that they navigated more ups and downs, twists and turns, inspirations and heartbreaks than you’d ever know from a social media feed or highlight reel. The path to success is never a straight line: I liken it to sailing. The winds, the currents, the temperature, everything around us, is always changing. You can set your destination, and you will invariably zig zag all the way there. The point is, no two journeys are ever alike, and that’s why entrepreneurs must break the chains of what I call “comparisonitis”.

Melinda Wittstock:

Real estate maven and Selling the Hamptons star Bianca D’Alessio learned this lesson along her path to success. In the highly competitive, even cutthroat New York market, Bianca came to understand her path was unique and her best measurement was self-competition, looking inside to understand her true value and values and intentionally crafting supportive friend and colleague circles. From gratitude practices to redefining failure, Bianca’s mindset shifts fueled her rocket ship rise: $10 Billion portfolio, #1 New York City agent, national top 15.

Melinda Wittstock:

Today Bianca shares how she learned that being great at sales is never about being smarmy. She says its “connection, strategy, part therapist, part advisor”—and the more empathic she became, the more trust she built. Her feminine strengths—empathy, intuition—became her superpower in a male-dominated industry. She says it’s all about knowing yourself and mastering intention, and her new book, Mastering Intentions: 10 Practices to Amplify Power and Lead with Lasting Impact, emphasizes the vital synergy between personal branding and business culture, advocating for the transformative power of manifestation, mindset control, and resilience in achieving exceptional success across all facets of life.

Melinda Wittstock:

We get into all of that today, so let’s put on our wings with the inspiring Bianca D’Alessio.

[INTERVIEW]

Melinda Wittstock:

Bianca, welcome to Wings.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Thanks so much for having me on today. I’m really excited to be here.

Melinda Wittstock:

Well, you know, it’s hard imagining, you know, watching you in HBO’s Selling the Hamptons and remembering that you started out in real estate and your first year was only 11 grand, right?

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yes, it was.

Melinda Wittstock:

You didn’t start on HBO Max. There was probably like quite a journey to begin with. So, let’s start at the beginning. What was the spark that got you into real estate and what was that first year like? What were you learning in that first year?

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah, so I always love to start the year before I got into real estate because that was my year of trying to find myself and figure it out. So, prior to working in real estate, I actually worked for a nonprofit doing leadership development with women. And that was what I would have quote unquote, called my dream job-job. At the time, I absolutely loved it. I got to travel full time. But when I finished that year contract, I was, you know, almost like stuck holding the bag of what do I do next? I felt like I was behind all of my friends who had started their corporate professions. And I wasn’t ever, quote, unquote, really book smart. I wasn’t that straight a student in school.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And I’m like, where do I go from here? And everyone’s like, you’re spiancha. You’re so good with people. Get your real estate license. You’re going to be great at sales. And it was one of those moments of like, okay, I have nothing to lose. Sure, I guess I’ll get my real estate license. I think I’m good at people and I think I can sell, so let’s try it. And so, I jumped full in that first year.

Bianca D’Alessio:

What I hadn’t realized, and people did not tell me in that first year it was that I was going to make less money than I did working for the nonprofit the year before because I had this major hurdle to overcome, which was overcoming and building my confidence in order to be good at sales. I needed to become confident with myself first. And I didn’t realize how much self-work that was going to take when stepping into this new industry. So, I came back to New York City, started in real estate, boots on the ground. I was fortunate enough to work for two really impressive men who took me under their wing and wanted to teach me everything. But it just became a matter of a time in the game factor for when I started to build that confidence and start to Learn the industry and step into my own skin and learn how to sell and learn how to sell myself, which is the biggest component of it. So, there was a lot of, a lot of bumpy moments during really the first two years. It was really at that 18-month mark where I like started to feel like, oh, I think I figured out who I am and what my pitch is and how I can get people comfortable enough to trust me with their largest asset and their biggest investment as a young 20 something year old woman who didn’t know much about that.

Bianca D’Alessio:

So that was really, that was the, really the learning curve I had to overcome in the beginning.

Melinda Wittstock:

It’s really interesting that you mentioned that aspect of confidence with sales. I think people have a really warped idea of what sales is, right? Like… 

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yes.

Melinda Wittstock:

…Being portrayed in movies and whatnot. It’s either really smarmy or like pulling something over on somebody when actually it’s just an extra exchange of value. And so, I guess it behooves us to understand our own value. And that’s, I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s earned. You don’t, you don’t just show up knowing that necessarily and especially if you’re female because you’ve been probably undervalued like.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yep.

Melinda Wittstock:

In your own family or you know, just the ether that we live in. So, tell me a little bit about what that was like in terms of growing your own confidence and your own value in that sales process.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I love that you mentioned that because that was definitely something I struggled with in the beginning of like, ooh, I’m a salesperson, like just minimizing my value and my contribution. And I’ve in recent years figured out that it’s such a badge of honor because the root of the best salespeople is connection. And what an incredible thing to be able to connect with someone and speak to them and communicate with them on their level and understand their dreams and their wants and their aspirations and their desires and then work with them to help them achieve it and make that possible. You know, so it becomes more than just sales. It becomes a strategist; it becomes an advisor. Gosh, so much of my job is being a therapist. And, and so I think, you know, I think it’s with all of us, it’s the reframing of what is, what does society say something is? And then how do we own it? And then how do we get excited about it? And then how do we shape the narrative and create the narrative to work for us. So, we feel the value and the impact of what we do, and we feel more aligned with the work that we’re doing.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And that’s very much how my sales journey has changed. Because everything you do in life is sales, right. The way that you as a mother, the way that you sell yourself and your ideas to your kids to get them on board with what you’re trying to do. The same with your partner, the same with your parents, the same with your siblings. You know, it doesn’t have to be this, this scary, negative word. It’s just an exchange of ideas and getting someone to meet you at your level and get excited about it.

Melinda Wittstock:

Oh, yeah, so well said. I love what you said about being a therapist with sales because it presumes that you, you are really leaning into your empathy intuition, and you’re developing a trust with somebody that they feel able to share with you what their true desires are and that you’re actually really understanding them. I think that’s something that women in particular are uniquely good at if we lean into it.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Did you feel the superpower?

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, it is. But did you feel the temptation early on, I suppose a lot of male mentors to be more like men in that. Like, what was it? What was the masculine, feminine balance, I guess, in your sales journey?

Bianca D’Alessio:

Gosh, that’s such a great question when you put it that way. Because listen, there is a component of sales that has to be more forceful. It is more masculine, it is more dominant because you are guiding someone there, you are helping someone have the confidence to spend the money, to make the decision, to recognize the power, power within themselves, to claim that, to want that. And so that inherently is, quote, unquote, more masculine. But then the femininity balance of it. Is that exactly what you just said is that empathy is getting to the bigger conversation of what is the root? Why do you want this? Why are you making this decision? Why is this important for your family? Why does this mean something in your path of achieving your dreams or reaching a level of status or success or how you define yourself? You know, it’s the balance of both of those things that I think is.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Is such a cool paradox for how to become a great salesperson.

Melinda Wittstock:

Well, yeah. And I can only imagine in the real estate business, very competitive between the different agents.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yes.

Melinda Wittstock:

As well, in terms of landing the property. So, tell me a little bit about that piece of it and how you climbed up to sell know more valuable properties and things and that kind of internal competition within a real estate agency.

Bianca D’Alessio:

So, I think, you know, I’ve had to redefine the way that I measure my own success and my own goals because I think in the world that we live in and in competitive field, listen, the world is super competitive. If you’re constantly looking outward and measuring your success against other people, especially in this day and age of social media, you’ll always feel like a failure. And so reframing that and pulling that inward of how am I competing with myself to become the best person that I can, where’s their opportunity for that growth? And what I’m so aware of is my privilege that I have to sit at these tables and that I get to use my voice and I never take that lightly. And being prepared for the meeting, looking into the data, understanding the analytics, you know, coming into every conversation and every meeting with a strategic plan and exercising that muscle of what is my goal of this conversation, what is my goal? And how do I want to portray my value and how do I make sure that I communicate that effectively? And that’s. And that’s a. And that’s a refined art that I’ve been working on. I continue to work on. We will always continue to work on.

Bianca D’Alessio:

That is because everyone speaks a different language. Everyone communicates and understands very differently. And so I think, you know, getting to the bottom of and spending the time in that first five, ten minutes in every conversation to understand someone’s desire, to understand their motive and their purpose, and then just speaking to that, that is where you will have the highest conversion during those conversations, because you’re speaking directly to what is driving them.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. That’s so astute. And it’s not just real estate. It’s everything. Like a tech entrepreneur.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yes.

Melinda Wittstock:

A tech founder has to sell, say, a product that nobody’s ever used before.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah. And if you don’t have, listen, you have to have such an inner belief and confidence within yourself, not just in the product, but people want to work with people. People want to work with people that they trust. So how are you showing up? What is the energy that you have when you enter a room? You know, what are you giving off during a conversation? How are you building? How are you gaining? And then how are you building on that trust throughout the relationship? Because, you know, the reason that I’ve been doing this, I’ve been in real estate for 11 years now. I manage a $10 billion portfolio. And the way that I’ve been able to do that is not through. Yes, I’ve had a wide array of clients, but it’s really working with specific clients and growing our portfolio and growing our business together.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And when that becomes, you know, the heart of a business is how do we work together, to grow together and do this so it becomes mutually beneficial, then you start to have this incredible compounding effect over just the duration of time of growing together and learning together. And that’s really been the key to how my business has been able to multiply so quickly.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, tell me about the time that you really felt you arrived. What was this still? What was the thing? What was that? Is it, was there a moment where you’re like, okay, I’ve got this.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Oh. So, I started, like I said, 11 years ago, but I started my company this. This month is actually our four-year anniversary. And in that first year, my business started out of one of those moments of needing to be resilient. I had prior to that been in a business partnership for a year that went awry and I needed to terminate that relationship. And it was at that point in time I was at an inflection point of, well, now is my time to step up and to be a number one and to be a CEO and to control the destiny. What does that require of me? I had always had a partner before, or I had always been a number two. What does that require of me? Bianca? The CEO, the founder, the entrepreneur.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And I didn’t know what I didn’t know at that point in time. So, the only thing I knew I could control was how hard I worked and how I showed up. So, I put my head down and I did nothing else really. You know, I think any founder could relate to the early years of their business of being so tunnel visioned and so focused and having something to prove to themselves and to the world that they can do that. And I was in this vacuum and it was, you know, a year and four months later that I picked my head up and I started getting all of these emails sent congratulating me. Congratulations on the rankings, congratulations on the rankings. And I didn’t even know at that point in time that rankings had come out. So, I opened the right, I got this email and I said, where are these rankings that people keep talking about? And I opened this email and I went to go to the link, and I looked at the rankings.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I’m like, oh my gosh, number 14 in the nation. Like I was just after a year of my, in my first year in business, I was ranked number 14 in the entire country. And my jaw was just on the floor. I was like, wow, Like I had something to prove. I proved it to myself. Like I could put my head down, I could work hard enough, and I could make it happen. And then I started getting all of these other emails saying, congratulations on being number one. And I’m like, what ranker rankings are they looking at? So, I ended up toggling to the other screen, and I was ranked number one in New York City and New York State for transaction volume.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I had done more deals in New York City and New York State than any other single broker. And that, that, and I wasn’t chasing a ranking. All I was doing was trying to become the best business owner and to figure it out in real time. And then that followed and that was that. And that was a moment of like, gosh, I haven’t even gotten to anywhere near where I want to be. And truthfully, at that point in time, I was so low on myself. Bianca, the woman, the person, the partner, the sister, the daughter. Because all I knew was my business.

Bianca D’Alessio:

So, I didn’t have this like incredible feeling of wow. I reached there, but it became like, okay, I proved something to myself in my business. Now let me figure out how I become the best version of myself in all of these other arenas in life that I had been lacking in. And then it was really over the last few years, really the last two years of doing that self-work that I’m like, gosh, we really can have it all. Maybe not all at the same exact time, because you need to make sacrifices, you need to have compromises. But there is a world in which women can have the incredible business, the incredible family, the fun and the social life and travel and see the world, whatever it is. However, you define that you could do that, as long as you’re able to move with intention.

Melinda Wittstock:

Exactly. Like you can’t you wander around in circles if you don’t know where you’re going, Right? Yes.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yes.

Melinda Wittstock:

You know, and so I’ve always thought of it as you have your North Star. I remember I learned a lesson very early on because my dad was a competitive sailor. I understood that the winds are always changing, the currents are changing.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Right.

Melinda Wittstock:

The weather, the. All the things, right. And it’s impossible therefore, to sail in a straight line like you’ve got. Yes, but you gotta, you know where you’re going, though. But it’s just like a different route and it’s a different route for everybody and it’s sort of organic to every person. So Sometimes I think we suffer a lot of entrepreneurs and just people generally from this kind of comparisonitis. Like, yes, like this other person or they had the blueprint, but nobody’s blueprint is the same.

Melinda Wittstock:

Same blueprint is perfect. And women really struggle with this kind of perfectionism about how we have to do it or like struggle with those tradeoffs. So, you mentioned you’ve done a lot of self-work. I think every entrepreneur does that variably at a certain point. Because you’re. I don’t know, your subconscious mind confronts you.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah.

Melinda Wittstock:

And you sort of wake up, like, if I’m going to get to this next level, I gotta like heal all this stuff within me. 

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah. Gosh, there was so many moments where I was like, listen, it was at that point in time of guess a year and a half into my business that I went on my first vacation and I went away with my brother and my sister. And I’m very, very close to my family and my brother. During a dinner, we’re at a beautiful dinner in Sicily and he said to me, he’s like, Bianca, I have to tell you, I’m really happy we went on this trip. But for the past year, year and a half, I haven’t liked the person you’ve become. And if you keep on this journey and on this path, I feel our relationship is going to really suffer and I just don’t enjoy being around you. And as this woman had always been very stoic, who bottled up her emotions like, I broke down. I’m like, gosh, I have been saying that, like, I’m doing this because, you know, I want to take care of my family, and I want to be better for my family, and I want to prove to them that I’m worthy.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And I’m like, and they don’t even like the person I’ve become. So that was like the first thing of like, wow, you have something to fix. I didn’t know how I was going to fix it, but I knew I had something I need to fix. Then fast forward a few months later. I woke up in the middle of the night. I had no idea what anxiety felt like. I woke up in the middle of the night and I’m 31 years old and I’m by myself in my home and I’m like, I think I’m having a heart attack.

[PROMO CREDIT]

If you’re enjoying this podcast and what you learn from all the inspiring women I interview every week, almost a thousand episodes now, please go ahead, hit subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and share it with your friends and colleagues. We really appreciate ratings and reviews on Apple and Spotify – it helps more entrepreneurs like you find the wisdom, tips, and epiphanies they need to grow their business. It makes a difference. Thank you. 

Melinda Wittstock:

And we’re back with Bianca D’Alessio, star of HBO Max’s Selling the Hamptons and founder of one of the top real estate brokerages managing a $10 billion international portfolio.

[INTERVIEW CONTINUES]

Bianca D’Alessio:

And I went, I went to the emergency room. I was like, I have this chest pain. They’re like, that’s probably anxiety. I’m like, but I’m not an anxious person. I don’t have anxiety. And like, well, your body’s telling you different and you need to start taking care of yourself. I hadn’t been sleeping, I hadn’t been exercising, I hadn’t been eating right. Like, there was just so many things that I was not doing to take care of my body.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I now have the rankings and I’m doing the business, and I have the team and I have the people. I have a responsibility. I have a responsibility to take care of myself in order to take care of my people. What does that actually mean? Like, I need to start sleeping, I need to start exercising, I need to start. And so, I needed to, like, almost put myself at a timeout of like, Bianca, your bed, you have to go home at 8 o’ clock, and you need to focus on, learn how to sleep again, turn the devices off, stop drinking, turn all the lights off. Like, and even if you don’t sleep, don’t get out of bed and don’t go to the office. You don’t need to go to the office at 2 o’ clock in the morning because you can’t go back to bed, lay in bed and look at the ceiling.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And it was like a lot of small things like that, that it was like, how do I focus on the health and wellness journey first? And then it was like, how do I start to incorporate fun into my life again and play? It’s important for adults to continue to have play and to have hobbies. I wasn’t able to talk to anyone about anything besides real estate. And I love traveling and I love singing and I love dancing. And so, I signed up for ballroom dancing. I had never danced before, and I started dancing two times a week and that became my therapy. And it was like just through small steps and small things like that, that over, you know, the course of another two years, like, I sort of like, find who I am again. And people like, gosh, you have such a glow up about you. And I’m like, I know, because my whole life isn’t sitting in my office working.

Bianca D’Alessio:

You know, like, I have other fun and I have things that bring me to life, and I love my job and it’s still number one. But Bianca is not just that. Bianca is all of these other things as well.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah. And so, when you discovered this other side of yourself that’s been suppressed, right? Because, yeah, you know, you know, obsessive journey that all entrepreneurs on did that in turn help your sales, help you grow your business. Like, because when you’re glowing, right, people…

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yep.

Melinda Wittstock:

…want to be around you like, more and, and trust you more and all those things. I imagine that helped they grew your business further. Like, I, I found sometimes my business, for instance, like, my best decisions come when I’m not working or like totally having fun. Like, you suddenly have the epiphany that you don’t have when you’re at your desk.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah. Your perspective changes. You feel more creative, you feel more adventurous. All of those things are very important in, to incorporate into your business. And so, my business dramatically, dramatically changed. It’s funny that you say that right now because I went out to dinner with my CLO last night and I’ve been in. And I’ve been in a new relationship. Well, not new, it’s.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I’ve been in a relationship for the past year and a half. And he goes, I just want to let you know, like, your relationship has dramatically changed who you are as a leader and how you show up. And I love that he said that because I think there was a part of me for so long in the beginning of starting my business of like, I can’t have a personal life, I can’t do anything else. People need to see that I’m working all the time. And I realized recently how unrelatable that is because most people don’t want that. Most people want to have a significant other and want to have a family and want to have friends and want to have a life outside of their work. And they want to strive and aspire to be someone who can do both of those things. Being just a workhorse and a machine is not aspirational for most people.

Bianca D’Alessio:

It is for the CEO and for the founder, but not for most of the people who show up and who are doing the work for your business every day. And so, by being able to incorporate that and help people see that, you can make money and you could feel good and you could show up and you could be a better person in your relationship and in your family because of the tools and because of the things that you’re learning and how you’re challenging your mind in the workplace. That’s almost a more powerful gift, gift that I could give to the people who work with, inform me than anything else how to help them create well balanced lives where they feel empowered and they feel excited to show up every day.

Melinda Wittstock:

Exactly. You know, all the money in the world… I don’t know. It certainly helps with happiness….

Bianca D’Alessio:

Right.

Melinda Wittstock:

…Because it gives you a lot of personal freedom and all of that stuff.  But if you’re isolated with it, if you have no friends or no fun or whatever, like, you see a lot of really wildly rich people who seem incredibly unhappy.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah. Yeah. And for me, it was like, I don’t want to be that. And I started thinking about a lot of the. Because my, my industry is very male dominated and, you know, you hear that you become a sum of the five people you surround yourself with the most.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And I started thinking about, like, who am I surrounding myself with? They’re all men. They were all unhappily married. They were all phenomenally successful. But I’m like, gosh, I have put up on a pedestal where they are in their professional life, but where are they in all of the other aspects that I strive and I aspire to be? I think I need to start to change my circle and segment and compartmentalize how I am looking at how I’m defining success. And they may be very. They are very rightfully successful, but that may not be the success journey that I want for myself. And how do I start to. To pivot and reframe and reshape that for? What does that look like for me? What does that mean that I need to do in my day to day and in my goal setting for my company? And the way that I’m hiring and retaining and the way that I am socializing, you know, all of that became a very important conversation that I needed to have my.

Bianca D’Alessio:

With myself to say, where am I now? Where do I want to go?

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah. This brings us neatly back to this whole concept of intention. All right? Because it’s not enough to say, hey, I want this, but how do you put intention into practice in your life in a way that’s aligned with your values and whatnot? What were some of the things that you did practically to really ground yourself in. In. In. In living out your intention?

Bianca D’Alessio:

So, I think for me, I started with understanding and continuing to redefine what my purpose is and where I derive value. And to me, it has always been. I’ve never been someone who, like, does things on my own. I love teams and I love people and this source and this joy of helping people. You know, I think a lot of us say we want to help people. What does that actually mean for me? And how am I showing up and doing that? But then taking it a step beyond that is, the people component is a very, very important big part for me and my journey. But then how am I looking at and re framing my relationship with failure and opportunity and gratitude? And I think that’s where intention really comes into play of if I recognize that my purpose is to help people, but I have an opportunity here, or I’ve just experienced a failure. The grounding force of all of both opportunity and failure is the gratitude.

Bianca D’Alessio:

How do I continue to have this gratitude practice of recognizing the opportunities I’m getting and then recognizing what an incredible privilege it is to fail and to fail fast and to fail forward? And how am I using that to shape the person I’m becoming? So, I don’t repeat the same failure, but I use that as a lesson and as the opportunity because I’ve embraced it so much that that becomes the mission of how I help my people is teaching them that failure is a core, inevitable part of life. Failure does not make you or your psyche or your being a failure. It’s an opportunity and it’s a gift to make you stronger, to make you more powerful, to make you more impactful, to make you more empathetic. And so that. That I think has really helped change the course of how do I move with intention by looking at all of these things and incorporating those practices together to stack on top of one another.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, that could be a real challenge in terms of operationalizing that in your company, giving people on your team sort of the right to fail. Like in my own company, we talk about this a lot because it’s like technology, it’s innovation and AI and blockchain and all these things, right. And. And there are a lot of unknown unknowns. And so, it’s like a permission structure to fail as long as you learn from it. So, trying to we try and create this culture where people feel able to talk openly about their failures and not be judged. So, it’s kind of trying to get rid of the fear of other people’s judgment and like, all of that kind of stuff. But it’s a real process.

Melinda Wittstock:

How do you do that with your team?

Bianca D’Alessio:

So, we were talking a little bit about perfectionism. And when I started out, I had this. This concept of like, I had to have it all figured out. Like absolute jokes on me. Like, I did not have it figured out, but I kept showing up with like, things have to be perfect. I have something to prove. Things have to be perfect. And this created such a stifling environment with my people because they didn’t want to Be creative.

Bianca D’Alessio:

They didn’t want to think outside the box. So, we were playing everything so safe, and it was limiting our innovation. And so how do I do that now is I openly talk about my failures, and I say to people like, I fail more than I succeed. And the moment that I stop failing, it means I’ve stopped trying, because it means I’ve stopped doing things that are at a different threshold or that are above what I feel I’m capable of. When I’ve stopped failing, I’m just playing it safe. I don’t want to play it safe. I don’t want any of you to play it safe. 

Bianca D’Alessio:

When we have failures, I want us to take ownership. I want us to take responsibility, and I want us to talk about it. But in my business personally, we are not saving lives. We are dealing with people’s money. And so, there’s a lot of responsibility that comes with that. So how do we practice with each other? How do we talk about to each other? How do we think outside the box? And how do we create this collaboration where we could create community in our environment, within our structure, that it gives us the confidence to go out with our clients.

Bianca D’Alessio:

So sometimes we’ll make mistakes in front of them, but when we do, again, we go back to that. That root belief and that root core value of ownership of, we did this. We probably shouldn’t have. But let’s pivot. Let’s pivot. This is the new strategy. This is what I want to try next. If you exercise and you work that brain muscle, that’s far more impactful than, you know, I threw my hands up and I failed.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And, you know, we. We give up and we stop trying. That’s not the mentality here at all.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, tell me, how did you get to Selling the Hamptons? How did all that work? Because I know that would be so good for your business as well.

Bianca D’Alessio:

It was. Yeah. It was terrifying, honestly, because it was right after the pandemic, I had all of my people stopped buying real estate in New York city. I had $40 million in contract, and all of those contracts disappeared overnight. Oh, my God.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, I’m having a heart attack.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I know. And I was like, okay, well, I could sit. Continue sitting in New York City and not do business, or I can move to the market where all of my clients are moving to, which was the Hamptons. And I was familiar with the Hamptons. I had grown up knowing the Hamptons. But I had not transacted in the Hamptons prior to that. And I just started going with my clients and learning the market. And it was at that point in time where this show was.

Bianca D’Alessio:

The show was in the works. I was actually the last person to be cast on the show, and they were very specifically looking for a strong female lead. I had just started my company at that point in time, and they’re like, you seem like a great leader and you’re managing a great team, and, like, again, inwardly, because, you know, imposter syndrome in the beginning of starting a business is a very real thing. I was like, gosh, what do I know about being a strong woman leader? And am I capable of this? And also, side note, at that point in time, I had been going through a lot of very, very dramatic hardships within my family, and it just did not feel like the right time to be on reality TV and to be, like, in the front lines of all of that, growing a business and being very embarrassed of what was happening behind the scenes. And this inner voice in my head was like, Bianca, you will regret if you say no to this opportunity. Yes, there’s a lot of fear of what’s going to come out when you’re on tv, but, like, you will have. You’ll have more regret if you say no and your business could have taken off. And so, I said yes.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And that was a whole experience that I was not at all fully prepared for, but it was amazing for what it did for me personally and professionally. Yeah.

Melinda Wittstock:

I always like to ask people who’ve been on reality shows, like, what the fear is, because sometimes the producers can turn you into a character that you.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah.

Melinda Wittstock:

Just for their own kind of creative, you know.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah. Well, it’s about storytelling and it’s about drama. Like, that’s what sells on TV and what I learned, you know, that the producers can only use what you give them. And so, there’s a lot of emotional awareness. And times I needed to bite my tongue of, like, okay, maybe you don’t want to say this because you don’t know how it could be spun or edited, but I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t classify myself as a dramatic person. So, I do think that helped. But, you know, the big thing for me that was that I was fearful of.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And. And it comes out in episode one of the show is at that point in time, my father was recently convicted of a financial fraud and was incarcerated.

Melinda Wittstock:

And during the recording of the show.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Right. Right prior to it. And so, I knew that this was going to Come out. And I was. I was tremendously embarrassed by what had happened. I had lost every dollar because I had invested it all in my father’s business. And my family was in a very, very difficult financial place, but also a very, very hard mental place. 

Bianca D’Alessio:

I felt like I had this shadow following behind me of like, oh, who knows? In the room? Or, gosh, are they going to find out? And it was the first day on set that my producer said, you know, now’s the time to tell your story your way. You can own it, or you could let the media spin it however they’re going to. And it was the first time that I felt like I had regained control over the situation, and I didn’t know how to tell the story. And you’ll see if you watch the show, like, the words weren’t there and it was shaky and, you know, there were tears. But it’s through, like, helping myself. It again became another form of therapy. Life is so much therapy, you know, it became another form of therapy of, like, talking through, like, wow, Processing that trauma and processing what it meant, but also recognizing how that had shaped me to become such a stronger leader and a more impactful person and a more empathetic person, and, like, what a gift that was. And I look at that now as honestly being such a gift for what that gift that was, for how I show up with my team and how I show up with my clients of recognizing the fragility of life, how quickly things can change, and how important it is to feel like you have someone in your corner who’s going to bat for you.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And that’s how I show up every day for my clients. And I think that comes across as very authentic.

Melinda Wittstock:

It does. And that’s so interesting. It’s this connection between when we dare to allow ourselves to. To show vulnerability. That’s often when we connect more authentically with others. But it’s terrifying. Like, there’s so many things like, oh, my God, if people really know everything. Oh, like, will they.

Melinda Wittstock:

They hate me or eject me from the tribe or have no friend. You know, there’s all this kind of totally conscious fear, right, and conscious fear about all of that. So, daring to be vulnerable. I imagine that that bonded you to people so much more, right?

Bianca D’Alessio:

Totally. Totally. I mean, it dramatic. It changed so much for how I started connecting, the conversations I was having, the level of connection, because it became so much more raw and so much more real. And you start to realize everyone’s going through their own stuff. Yeah, Everyone has their own hardship. And most people are afraid or embarrassed or don’t have a way to communicate or talk about it outside of the circle who they are involved with it. And sometimes the circle who is in it with you is not the best circle to be talking about it with because they don’t have the outside perspective.

Bianca D’Alessio:

And so having those starting to have those conversations and to regain that perspective and to reframe that narrative became very impactful for me, but very impactful for a lot of the conversations I was having and the people I was helping along in my own journey of self-discovery.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. You know, oh gosh, this is so, so powerful. And at a certain point you decided to write your book Mastering Intentions: 10 Practices to Answer Amplify Power and Lead with Lasting Impact. So, tell me about that. What was that process like? And tell me a little bit about the book. I mean, I think we’ve been talking a lot about your book actually without talking about it directly.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah, yeah. So, I had always used, I guess I keep going back to the same theme, but I always use writing as a form of communication and a way to process. And so, I’ve been writing for a long time, and you know, in, in my notes and my journals and through social media and you know, after the show I felt like I started again regaining some confidence in this space to not be embarrassed of who I am and to own my story. And it just felt like the right time to actually put pen to paper and framing this. And what started out as being fully a sales book on real estate, I realized the message was so much bigger than that. It’s the journey of self-discovery and how do you go on that journey at any point in time in your life? But so many books I had read about emotional intelligence and becoming self-aware and how to become a better person. We’re so focused on the individual. And I realized the big gap that I hadn’t seen in the market was well, how do you bring other people along in that journey with you? Because life is not a solo journey.

Bianca D’Alessio:

We are co creating life with all of the companions that we have around us at every point in time. And if you were on this path of self-discovery and you’re not taking the people you love most with you, one, you’re either going to start to build resentment or you’re going to have to make a decision to leave them behind or you’re going to stop your own growth. Like those are the options. So how do you avoid that hardship? How do you avoid that difficult inflection point? In your relationships. And it’s to create these opportunities for you to continue to grow together. And so, the book is, is written as 10 different practices, but it’s, it’s almost like a workbook. You know, it’s my own stories, it’s stories of other people that I’ve talked to. But it’s also exercises for how do you work through developing mental resilience and how do you create practices of gratitude in your own life? And how do you implement a winner’s mindset and reframe your brain around failure? And how do you silence your brain, bully the voice in your head who tells you you’re not enough and you’re not good enough and you’re not pretty enough, you’re not smart enough and you’re not supposed to be here.

Bianca D’Alessio:

You don’t deserve the seat at the table. You can’t have everything. How do you silence that? How do you work to overcome that? By being your biggest hype person and your biggest cheerleader. And so that’s, that is the heart of the book. And it’s been, it was incredible, incredible to write and it’s been even more fun to talk about with people and to hear their own, their own feelings as they work through the exercises and practices in the book.

Melinda Wittstock:

Fantastic. So, I can’t not ask you about what’s going on with real estate at the moment.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah, of course. Right. Everyone wants to know what’s happening in the world of real estate. I’m very, very fortunate with my business and that it is very diversified because different segments of the market are performing very, very differently. We are in a highly political environment with a lot of volatility and uncertainty. And I am in a market-based industry and the markets respond. What I can say is the process of homeownership and the journey of buying real estate. It’s highly personal and it is highly emotional.

Bianca D’Alessio:

But there, there is and there continues to be opportunity out there. And the most impactful thing that I could say people is to, is to try to reclaim their power in that process, in recognizing that there is a pathway, especially if you’re one of the many, many people who are very, very frustrated by the real estate market right now with the cost of living and interest rates, is that there still continues to be opportunity in the market. If you are at that point of frustration or burnout to take a step back and to reframe and to work with someone who could help guide you to where you want to go, it may take a little bit longer. Things are more expensive. There is less inventory. Unfortunately, that climate will not change for a while. We may see some dips in interest rates here and there, but the cost of materials is getting higher. Supply is still very low.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Rates will not come down to a point in time where there’s going to be an influx of inventory coming on the market. So, we’re going to be in this place for a while. How do you start to. To think differently about your purchase and how to enter the real estate market? And I have a lot of, a lot of people right now and clients right now thinking about if I can’t own my home, my dream home that I want to live in because the dream home is too expensive, but I want to own real estate, what does that look like with buying an investment property? What does that look like buying outside of my main market? What does fractional ownership look like? There are other alternatives to, to entering the real estate market and starting to build and accumulate wealth through real estate that don’t need to necessarily revolve around buying your dream forever home if you are not at a point in time right now where you can do that.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, it’s so interesting where you’ve got all these headwinds. Like I just think of the impact of tariffs, for instance, just alone on the building materials. And I was reading the other day that more people are trying to sell than people are trying to buy and just the gap between, I mean, years ago and again more in the entry part of the market. But years ago, you know, you could buy a property at basically three times the value of your salary. And now it’s more like an average eight. Right. Like, I know, unreachable for people. So, you’ve got this whole real estate chain that’s kind of sclerotic.

Melinda Wittstock:

Like, you know, how do we move up in that? And so, do you find a lot of your clients, like really struggling to sell or prices dropping, or are they just choosing not to sell? Or like, what, what’s going on?

Bianca D’Alessio:

We aren’t inventory that is priced properly. Okay. Sellers who had been in the aspirational pricing model that we saw after the pandemic, if that is where their mind still is, they will struggle to sell. Sellers who are pricing properly to the market of where we are today are transacting all day, every single day because there are buyers who are willing to pay market price for what the market is demanding right now. And so that that sector of the market continues to be well maintained because sellers are meeting buyers at their level. Aspirational sellers are not there. And then are not transacting. And buyers who are stuck in pricing from 10 years ago have to readjust and re-shift their expectations for what they were going to get in the market, because that is not going to change.

Bianca D’Alessio:

So, it’s really, markets always, supply and demand need to level out, and expectations need to level out, but we do still continue to see a lot of transactions. And every single sector of the market is performing very, very differently from what we see in the middle of the US and suburban areas versus metropolitan cities. There’s different trends that we’re seeing throughout, but holistically, yes, it has gotten much more expensive to build. And so that will inherently mean that real estate continues to get more expensive.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right, right. So interesting that just this balance between, you know, we’ve been talking a lot about, you know, you know, what it takes to, to do what you do, you know, like just your, your, your, your skills, your empathy, just all the different things, and then balancing that with things you can’t control. Right. This is really at the crux of the entrepreneurial journey. Right. We can be, yes, there’s certain things that we can control and there’s other things that we cannot control, and we can control our reactions. Yes. Just as we start to wrap up, how do you balance that? Because that’s, that’s true of any entrepreneur.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. And learning, you know, because there, there are these headwinds or things that you can’t expect, like just market trends, things like that.

Bianca D’Alessio:

So, yeah, no, I think that line, I see myself quite often, I get frustrated and I’m trying to figure out what am I frustrated about and identifying what is a controllable and what is a non-controllable. How do I fix the things that I can control and recognize the power in that. And the power in that is my response, is my emotions, is the connection and is making a decision. I think with a lot of these “uncontrollables”, the frustration lies in where we feel that there’s an inability to make a decision because we don’t have the tools, we don’t have the resources. So how do we redirect our tools and our resources and our emotional capacity to the things that are within our reach and within our ability and looking for those creative solutions, the things that we cannot control, like they will exist, they’ll continue to be there. How do we work around them instead of trying to barrel through them?

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. Yeah. Now this is a really important lesson on a lot of people, you know, struggle with that. Right. Because sometimes, you know, business owners can be really lucky because this.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yes.

Melinda Wittstock:

Just aligned and their timing was right, and they can feel invincible for having built something or not recognizing that they were just really lucky, like, the timing was right. Other times, you can launch my. I’ve launched, you know, built five businesses in my life, and, like, some of them had incredible headwinds, and others just fell into place, you know? 

Bianca D’Alessio:

Right. Yes.

Melinda Wittstock:

You just sort of start to realize, like, it’s kind of a humbling process.

Bianca D’Alessio:

It’s very humbling. Oh, for sure. You know, and you could have two people doing the same exact thing, and one experiences luck at a different point in time, at the exact right point in time, and the other one, it comes a little too late or a little too early, and they weren’t ready to take advantage. And so. So, you know, so much of this is time, but a lot of it is also staying power and. Or knowing when it’s time to quit and. And pivot to something else.

Melinda Wittstock:

That’s. That’s a tough one. Right. Because you have this, like. I don’t know, you know, what do they say about Steve Jobs? This kind of force field or whatever they. Distortion field. Right. Okay.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah.

Melinda Wittstock:

Like, I. I’m definitely a person like that. Like, I just think I can bend will and time and all that kind of stuff, and I just, like, obsessive, and I kind of go for it.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Me, too. It takes one to know one. Yeah, totally.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, it’s hard to know, like, sometimes when to pivot, like, because are you pivoting out of fear or are you pivoting because you actually intuitively know something? Like, it’s just wrong. The stars are not aligned. And how do you even know that? That’s something I struggle with. It’s hard to know.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Yeah. One of the most impactful things someone said to me when I was starting my entrepreneurial journey was that no one knows exactly what they’re doing. The best entrepreneurs are just making the best decisions with the information they have in front of them at that specific point in time. And so that gut check became very comforting for me of, like, there isn’t a playbook. Like, someone did. Not the other people around me, my competitors, the other people I’m looking to who have these great businesses, they didn’t have all the rules written out and know what they’re doing. They’re just trusting themselves and they’re moving with.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I love what you said. The way the winds are sailing.

Bianca D’Alessio:

I think you just need to continue to do that. And be patient with the growth process.

Melinda Wittstock:

Exactly. So, Bianca, what is the best way for people to find you? Like, there might be someone listening here who wants to buy a property or wants your book or just wants to follow your real estate tips or.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Oh yeah. Well, I am oh so very active on social media, most notably on Instagram and on LinkedIn. You can find me at Bianca D’ Alessio. And for any real estate question, you can always reach out there or go to my website, Bianca D’Alessio.com and of course, pick up Mastering Intentions on Amazon.

Melinda Wittstock:

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for putting on your wings and flying with us today.

Bianca D’Alessio:

Thanks for having me on. This is an amazing conversation.

[INTERVIEW ENDS]

Melinda Wittstock:

Bianca D’Alessio is a New York real estate phenomenon, star of HBO Max’s Selling the Hamptons, founder of one of the top real estate brokerages managing a $10 billion international portfolio, and author of the new book, Mastering Intentions: 10 Practices to Amplify Power and Lead with Lasting Impact.

Melinda Wittstock:

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Melinda Wittstock:

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