249 Allana Pratt: Strength in Vulnerability
Entrepreneur, YouTuber and Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt shows how vulnerability is a true strength in business, inspiring transformational leadership. She shares how to see the “gift in the wobbly”, all those entrepreneurial challenges and problems, as an opportunity for growth – personal and business.
Melinda Wittstock: Allana, welcome to Wings.
Allana Pratt: It is so great to be back with you again. Thank you for having me on as a return guest. Thank you, for revealing that we’re both Canucks and excited to share with women about the strength that can be found in vulnerability.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh gosh. I’m so excited to talk to you about that Allana because it is a sign of strength to be able to stand in your vulnerability! Because when you’re being vulnerable, really you’re being authentic, you’re being you. You have nothing to hide.
Allana Pratt: Absolutely. In all vulnerability, I have to share my journey as an intimacy expert. I started off quite the damsel in distress. We’ve all had our past. Mine was the drunk and stoned father and I was just seeking daddy’s love from husband number one to husband number two to this very insecure woman who on the outside was this cum laude graduate of Columbia University, this international model, but on the inside I just didn’t feel at home, I didn’t feel good enough, nothing was ever enough and even if I did accomplish something it could go away then I had to accomplish the next thing. What happened from the damsel in distress days became the fighter, the overcomer, the triumpher; the one who just made things happen. I pushed and I succeeded, but again, my worth was based in accomplishments and achievements and making sure my ass only bounced once not a double bounce.
Melinda Wittstock: I know what those double bounces are like.
Allana Pratt: Right. Or like, “Oh, do we [inaudible 00:02:19] time for Botox.” This kind of thing. So, it was an improvement from the damsel in distress days, but I was exhausted, I was succeeding monetarily and in the world, but inside I was still scared and I was still exhausted. I didn’t have that embodied feeling that the universe had my back. I didn’t have that embodied feeling of home and good enough inside of me. There was just always spinning. There was always this hum of fear, terror, discontent. Through walking my talk as an intimacy expert, this intimate relationship with myself, I had to really step into reality, and not from judgment, but from humility and vulnerability, transparency, honesty, this raw conversation in the mirror had to really get to know this part of me that was destroying my life. On the one hand, I was this go-getter, but on the other hand, she would sabotage me. I wouldn’t take care of myself. I get overwhelmed. She’d go into scarcity; this wounded inner part of me.
When I finally took the time to go, “Okay, I give.” I started to really build a healthy, intimate relationship with myself. I mean, I hope you like me and I think we get along great, but I no longer need you to like me in order to be good enough. The same thing happened romantically, and the same thing happened with my clients, and even the same thing happened with my intimate relationship with money. I love money, but I don’t need it in order to be safe and secure anymore. This whole new world opened up and I found, as we started off this interview; a strength in my surrender, in my vulnerability. That I really think is a missing piece in a lot of successful women’s lives that are maybe very successful, but still at the core spinning.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh gosh, so beautifully, said. It mirrors my own journey so much as well. I think we’re taught by our society to be “human doings” and to measure our value by these things that we tick off some list of all the things that we should do. I find, whenever in my life I’ve been saying, ‘Oh yes, I should do that or I should do that or I should do that.” It’s a sign that it’s somebody else talking.
Allana Pratt: Yes. Mine was quite a hard one. I’m a stubborn one. So, what it really took the big transformation for me occurred, it was over a longer period of time, there was a 12 year custody battle and everything about me was twisted and turned against me. So, I don’t have a PhD, I have a thriving coaching practice and I’ve taken certain certifications but I don’t have those letters behind my name. So, the way it was presented to court was that I must be some narcissist full of herself thinking she can help people with some coach and because way back then I hadn’t done the work yet, I justified, I gave reasons, I tried to prove my worth. Which, of course, made me look all the more guilty.
So, having been so humiliated for that, and then, of course, I talk about intimacy. If you follow me, or the podcast, or the newsletter, or the YouTube channel, you’ll see that to me, intimacy is really about this relationship with self, with your body, with your soul, with the divine, and of course with your beloved as well, but to the court, they heard the word intimacy and the opposing counsel said, “She probably sleeps with our clients. She’s probably a whore.” Well, I was, I was aghast. They were going for the juggler. They wanted to take away our son from me forever and they were going for it.
I did what you did. I was aghast, but of course, that made me look guilty because again, I was justifying myself and trying to prove my worth and all the rest of this because I’d also, in my glory, I love pole dancing. I love to climb up that pole, turn upside down, stamp the ceiling with my heels, slap my ass, and like I love that sense of empowerment. I don’t do it at a strip club and there’s no mirrors and it’s just women, but it’s a journey of the sacredness of our sexual creative life force energy. I choose to own that, I choose not to be in competition with other women, I choose to love all of my body as it ages and celebrate my sisters, all ages, all gender preferences, all sizes, like just unconditional love of humanity but that didn’t go very well in court, either.
So, the humiliation that I faced, and then the eventual loss of partial custody, I have like 35% custody of my son because they deemed me, “Well, she’s more into her career and men than she is into being a mother.” It was devastating. Just devastating.
Melinda Wittstock: So, how long ago was this? I mean, I’d hate to think that this would happen now.
Allana Pratt: Oh, honey. Yes. No, for long now, yes.
I gave in. I had lost my million-dollar house. I had lost my quarter of a million in savings. I’d gone into an additional quarter of a million dollars of legal debts and I gave up. I said, “Fine, take him. I’ll have 35%, you can have whatever.” That was only two years ago that I signed that. I was in court for off and on 12 years. Yes, I’ve only literally like you know me living in San Diego. I haven’t even been here for a year. Prior to that I was in a cabin in the woods for about nine months crying my face off because at the end of all of that, my son who at the time was 14, he’s now 15 said, “You know what? Dad’s right, you’re crazy. I’m going to live with him full time.” Dad was in the driveway, he came and he got all of his shit and they drove away and I lost it. I lost it.
So, I went into the middle of nowhere to cry and to come home even more to this relationship that when I mean I came home to me and loved me in the face of everything, I mean it. Everything got taken away. Even that last relationship that made me think outside in, again, this outside look how I can prove my worth by my accomplishments, my achievements. I can prove my worth that my son still loves me, well, even that left. There was nowhere left to go, but my knees.
I say to all listeners not that my story is any worse than anybody else’s, there’s a lot of people who have been through some hard times, be willing to drop to your knees. Be willing to take this journey home to find the strength in your vulnerability where you find a level of self love, self acceptance, allowance of circumstances, have a good rage at God and the goddess if you need to. Go through your process so you stop the spinning and you can find that sense of, “I’m enough. All of this happened and I love and accept myself.” My son chooses to live at his dads and I love, and accept myself. I lost all my assets, and I love and accept myself. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, and I love and accept myself.
Coming to that place is so a hard one. I mean, it’s a journey of a certain courage and bravery, but once you get there. You’re unstoppable. You’re literally unstoppable.
Melinda Wittstock: I couldn’t agree with you more. I like you was stubborn. I had to be shown.
Allana Pratt: Get slapped.
Melinda Wittstock: Right. It’s interesting because the universe sort of whispers in your ear and then like you don’t hear so, shows you a little bit louder and then you still don’t hear, the events are going to conspire to make you see. So like you, I probably had to be humbled in this way as well. I was very much in my head as a person. I’m blessed with a very intuitive mind, but I let my left brain just override that all my life, it just kept pushing, it was all about accomplishment, it was all about this very masculine energy until it just didn’t work anymore. There’s a really interesting saying, if you want to know what someone believes, look at what’s around them.
Allana Pratt: Yes, look what they’ve created.
Melinda Wittstock: Look what they’ve created, and at that point where I could take responsibility, when I was sitting there and my marriage is in tatters, I was married to a verbally abusive, alcoholic, narcissist, and I just been beaten down over many, many years, really, without even really being conscious of it. It’s like him waking up, like, “Wait a minute, this isn’t good.” Business is failing. $4 in the bank. I mean, really, gosh, and it’s all down to me and what happened because I have had so much success. I’ve been very blessed in my life. That’s so much success, but it had to be taken away from me to then step into a new and better more authentic version of really who I am. It’s such a similar process to what you’re describing.
So, sometimes, in those moments, it’s actually like, now I look back on it, at the time it wasn’t pleasant, but it was like the best thing that ever happened to me and so much gratitude for it actually.
Allana Pratt: Completely. I’m literally going to Disneyland with my son in two days by not judging me and not judging him and being in this surrendered vulnerable allowance, which doesn’t mean give up or give in, I’m standing there, very alert, very discerning, very aware, heart open, completely present, but not attached and not resisting and not judging, and not rejecting self or other now that I’m like that with my son. And I honor his discovery; he tells me everything. We have these wonderful days where it’s facials and hamburgers, and I drive back to LA and we have the day together and he tells me all these beautiful things and I remind him he’s a conscious being of choice. “If you choose something that doesn’t work, choose again. Are you talking to your little you? Have you taken time to listen to him? How’s he feeling? Are you taking care?” I teach him all the things that I teach my clients and he’s doing really well and I’m able to, that idea of holding space or providing space like you’re there but you’re not fixing, changing, telling them what to do, controlling, you’re just there and getting them. Being that [inaudible 00:13:25] parents, not saying, “Well, you should do this and then you should change that.” You’re just like, “Wow, tell me more. God, that’s got to hurt. I’m right here. What else?”
Just letting them be heard, and hearing ourselves being that safe, secure, understanding presence for ourselves. Our little wobbly self, not just our triumphant self brings such a sense of power and calmness to every situation and the results have been, I have an incredible man in my life that sees me and is there for me. I’ve extraordinary clients that value me. Things seem to grace my lap, and in the past I used to chase them down, and there’s a sense of magic. There’s even a sense of not being afraid about money, and not that I’m a multimillionaire yet, I choose to be, but things are thriving and I’m noticing I’m not worried where the next client is coming from, they just arise. In the past, I was terrified. I’ve had my $4 in the bank. In fact, I’ve had negative $4 I’m like, “What?” There’s no lightning, lightning doesn’t strike you and it’s negative four in the bank. You can still breathe, they don’t take you off the planet.
Melinda Wittstock: When you surrender, you’re on your knees, you fall backwards and you are caught. Then nothing really scares you anymore because so much of this is about getting rid of fear. Not just the fear that we’re conscious of, but the fear underlying everything. Just those, Oh gosh, you know that inner voice, that critic, it’s always like, “Are you good enough, are your Sure? What if? What if? I mean, I came back from a really interesting experience recently with a bunch of entrepreneurs. What was fascinating about it, we really focused in on fear. We went through this exercise where we just wrote down every single fear we had. Then when we put them all collectively into a box and that box was there, was kind of put away.
A couple days later after we’ve gone through a whole bunch of other exercises and other things it was really, really beautiful experience, we each drew a fear out of the box, which we had to read in a silly accents. We went around the room. So, we were making then the all of fear started to seem really ridiculous, but here’s the thing that was interesting, every single person in the room’s very, very highly successful entrepreneur. Seven, eight, and even nine-figure business, sort of, level. I mean really, we all have the same fears.
Allana Pratt: Oh yes, the human experience.
Melinda Wittstock: They were all the same. I mean they were all, what if I’m not enough? What if I’m not a good leader? What if I succeed, will I not have enough time for my kids? What if I this? What if I that? And it was amazing, and we were really able to let them go, because I think a lot of the fear really eats away at us most when we feel isolated in it, alone in it.
Allana Pratt: Yeah. Oh, that’s so beautiful. I’m so glad you had that experience. It reminds me, in my years of doing different interviews and podcasts, when I had the pleasure of interviewing Debbie Ford before she passed, and all of her incredible shadow work, and the gift of being willing to sit in the fire and face your fears. It is the resistance of them that keeps them alive. But when you face them and feel through them, again, right back to this conversation about your strengths in your vulnerability, be willing to face them, feel them, and move through to the other side as they dissolve, and that we’re all wired similarly, and that we can have each other’s back as sisters and brothers, to go through and keep showing up that in our widest, broadest, grandest, most splayed wide open heart, what feels like the scariest, 99% is scary.
But open all the way to a hundred percent, something happens. You click home to your strength. You click home to the divine. You click into oneness with everybody, to community, to collaboration to the ‘allness’ of the divine. Something happens when you go all the way into the fear, all the way, heart open. It’s like a moment of grace where a transformation occurs. A moment of grace occurs. You are bigger than this illusion of the fear.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh gosh, so beautifully said. I want to relate all of this vulnerability back to entrepreneurship because I think there’s such a profound sense, in the entrepreneurial community, that somehow you have to fake it till you make it, that it’s really important to be strong, everything looks so great. I think a lot of entrepreneurs put out this front that, oh God, it’s all amazing. It’s going great or whatever. But you know, that if you’re an entrepreneur, I’m one of these serial entrepreneurs. My kids thought for years that I ran the Cheerios company.
But anyway, the ups and downs, every business is different. There’s so much beyond your control. There are so many things that could humble you at any moment, like launch a new product, this amazing technology. But oh my God, somewhere around the world someone invented a better technology that you didn’t have any idea about. And they’re going to go clean your clock, or something happens, you lose the contract or the customer doesn’t … Oh God. There’s so, so many things [inaudible 00:19:10] so many things that are within and outside of your control that can humble you at any moment.
We all have these vulnerable moments and yet it’s so hard to talk about them because we think that our competition is going to come in and knock us down. So, how do you how do you deal with that as a CEO of a company that’s growing. You have a big, it’s one thing when it’s you, as a solopreneur. It’s a whole other thing when you’ve got a whole team, and you’ve got livelihoods that are depending on you, and all this sort of stuff, right. How do you show vulnerability in those moments, in that context?
Allana Pratt: Well, I don’t have a huge corporation. I have two employees, and then I have my accountants and financial advisors. And it just happened the other day. We were taking on more employees. And I brought them on at the same rate of the other employees. And one of my employees was like, “Well, I actually get paid more by some other contractors than you.” And I went into such fear, “Oh my God, she’s going to leave me. Oh my God, she’s my manager. She’s in charge of everything. Oh shit. I don’t even know how to send a frigging email.” She does everything and she went into, because I said, “Fine. No, you’re totally right. You deserve a raise, and tomorrow, on Monday will be having reviews. I’d like to know what your one your goal and your 5-year …” I went into, shut down my fears and pretend I know what the hell I’m doing. I was like just freaking, and so she was freaking and I was freaking. So we got onto the call. And because I walk my talk, and I don’t know if you read my newsletters or see my videos, but I-
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, they’re amazing.
Allana Pratt: Thank you. But, part of my brand is, I’m a hot mess over here, and I’m a mother fucking badass over here. I own it all. I just own it all.
Melinda Wittstock: That’s great.
Allana Pratt: It’s always safe to be real. And people always respond to my newsletters, “I’m so glad I’m not the only person, like, who’s a hot mess, that you are too.” And you’re able to thrive and do the rest of it. So, back to the call on the Monday, with the review, with my staff and I said, “Okay, so we’re going to do two hats. The first hat is the family hat. I choose not to have employees strictly from my masculine energy. I can put on my business hat. We can talk about the numbers.” I said, “But I also I want the feminine hat. Let’s start with the feminine, family, sisterhood hat, and let’s do a dyad.”
And I said, “So, a dyad is a two-way communication and all the other person gets to say is thank you.” It is something I do in my programs. It’s something I do with my clients. It’s a beautiful way for the other person just to say thank you. No rebuttal, no justification. You feel so heard, so gotten. A lot of us think we want to be approved of and agreed with, but what we really want is to be understood. And so, the first question in the dyad with my wonderful manager was, “Tell me something you like about me.” And then, she said something. And she asked me, “Tell me something you like about me.”
So, we did this for five minutes. And the idea is our hearts began to open into vulnerability. The next question was, after about five minutes, “Tell me something you think we align on.” This got us back on the same team again, because we were two separate teams. She wanted a raise. I wanted a review. I was freaking. She was freaking. So, “Okay, tell me something you think we align on, five minutes.” Third question, and we did the third question for about 20 minutes, “Tell me something you want me to understand.” And so, for me, I said, “Something I want you to understand is when you said that your other clients were paying you more, I felt so ashamed, that I, maybe you think I was taking advantage of you. And then, I thought maybe you’re going to leave me. And then, I thought I was going to be all alone in a ditch, in a shelter.”
Melinda Wittstock: That’s funny [crosstalk 00:23:12].
Allana Pratt: And then, all she’s allowed to say is, thank you. She just had to get me. And then for her, I said, “Tell me something you want me to understand.” She’s like, “Well, I just don’t think you get that I want to work with you, forever, until we’re in old folks homes.” And I’m like, “Oh, thank you.” And so we went back, and we were crying. We were laughing. We did that for about half an hour. And then I said, “Okay, now we’re going to put on our business hats, and we’re going to talk about the numbers and the business.” And then, we did that from such a place of connection, authenticity. There was nothing in the space. We were on the same team. We were so heard and gotten. We had this incredible conversation with these extraordinary goals for one year and five years. And so, what I would say, long story short, to these entrepreneurs, is maybe your business brand is an intimacy and vulnerability like me.
Maybe you can’t write newsletters as vulnerably as I can. But you can have conversations with your key employees. You certainly can have it with yourself, and you want to start with this dyad like understanding, vulnerability, get to the truth. Get to the heart. Get to the soul. Get to your mission. Get to your souls mission, your vision. And then, put on your wise, brilliant, more masculine, strategic hat, and move from there. Balance, the yin-yang symbol is balanced. Find the balance within you. Let go of shame. Let go of fear. And when you come home, and then have communication with your employees, with your community, etcetera, it’s going to go so much better, and you’ll be respected, because you’re no different, no better, no worse than anyone else. And people will feel home with you.
Melinda Wittstock: That’s just so beautiful, Allana. I mean, I think that’s a system that could scale within a large company. I mean, you could just do that. You can apply that as the way that you build an amazing culture and an amazing team, because at the end of the day, business really is about people. There was an interesting study, not just the other day, that said, and it was interesting. It was counterintuitive. What do you think? Sorry. I’m just going to I’m going to ask this question slightly differently. Bear with me for a second. So, this is so interesting. There was a study that was released the other day about companies that have whistle blowers. And it’s an interesting thing. Would you think that the company who had a lot of whistle blowers, or the company that did not have any whistle blowers, would be doing better financially. Which one do you think does better financially?
Allana Pratt: That’s a great question. If it was counterintuitive, I would think the whistle blowers. But-
Melinda Wittstock: It is.
Allana Pratt: Yeah.
Melinda Wittstock: Exactly that, it’s the whistle blowers. And the reason why is because there’s an honesty. Company management finds out earlier that there are problems, and can be proactive about addressing them, and can involve the employees in addressing them. And those companies do way better. And so, it’s interesting. It’s about creating a culture where there is no fear, where the employees feel that they can call it. You’re not going to get in trouble for saying, “Hey, we got a problem in the supply chain over here, or we’ve got we’ve got this other thing going on here with our product, or we have something going on. We have a person on the team who is a bully, or whatever, right?”
Allana Pratt: Totally. This is phenomenal. In fact, my big, humongous, tax bill this year, I freaked out for a minute. I’m going to the accountants tomorrow. But it’s like, okay we’re going to deal with this now, so that when I’m making even more money, we’re making the right decisions now, so we don’t get blindsided like this moving forward. So, to see the gift in the wobbly; to see the gift in the quote-unquote problems, which are really just challenges, that we could lean into that are marvelous opportunities for more growth. I love that.
Melinda Wittstock: Yeah, well, it could be that when the founding team, or the executive team, or the founder CEO is more vulnerable, it allows or gives permission to the team to be a lot more honest as well. And then, when people are sort of vulnerable together, I mean, that’s where there’s a true connection. So, what’s interesting to me too, is just the impact that Millenials have had on this whole conversation as well, because there’s all this research that shows that the sort of jobs that they want to take, or companies or organizations that they want to be part of, money is not the number one driver. It’s actually culture, and purpose, and alignment, and feeling that they’re needed, feeling that they’re doing something important for the world. And that, to me, is amazing.
I feel like I’m an honorary millennial because that’s always been my motivation. I mean, not that I don’t like nice things, I do. And I like money. I like money as a tool, as a lever. It gives me freedom and independence. I can do things like travel at will, stuff like that. But, it’s not, again, it’s not an end in and of itself. But, I think that’s so encouraging, because say for instance if you’re trying to compete as a company, with a company on the street that has deeper pockets, and can pay a lot more to a lot more people. How do you get the competitive advantage? And I think there’s something in what you’re saying about that vulnerability, in so far as it can create a culture, where you can really align a team, and do essentially, like your example of what you did with your employee and your team member.
Allana Pratt: Yeah.
Melinda Wittstock: Imagine a company that’s really, truly run in integrity like that.
Allana Pratt: Yeah. Well the people that I, and I’m a coach, and I have a full coaching practice. But I always have one or two coaches that I’m working with as well. And that’s exactly what one of my coaches does. He goes into these huge corporations and he does begin to shift that culture, so it’s safe to tell the truth. So, you want the microcosm within yourself, all the way to the macrocosm to of your company. You want it with your kids. You want it with your lover. You want it with your family. We can’t control people to be vulnerable like us. We can only invite.
So, not everybody is going to go there. But for those of us that are really committed to the richest lives, aligned with our souls mission, vulnerability, in my opinion has to be a key component, so that we do lead with the heart. We do lead with the soul. We do what’s right for the planet. We do honor one another. We don’t judge ourselves, and we don’t superior, inferior, compete. We collaborate. I really think it’s the next phase. And I love what you said about Millenials, how wise of them right out of the gate.
Melinda Wittstock: I love this whole idea of letting go and surrender, release of all these things that, literally, do weigh us down. So we can really step into our true authentic, super [inaudible 00:30:44] power, right?
Allana Pratt: Totally.
Melinda Wittstock: And so I love this, I want to talk a little bit about what’s going on in our society right now, because we have this interesting polarizing moment, right, where on one hand women are really coming into, I think, our authentic, feminine. We’re seeing that to be feminine is also to be strong, that you can be vulnerable and still be strong. You can be intuitive and still hit your numbers, right, all these things. And we can speak up and speak truth to power, whether it’s the #metoo movement, or whether it’s saying to venture capitalists, “Look, more than two percent of your money needs to go to women.” So all that’s going on, which is so wonderful. And women are also showing up for each other to support each other. So, this is all cool. And on the other hand, we have things like the Kavanaugh nomination. A president who is well, oh my God, right. It’s so polarizing. What do you make of that?
Allana Pratt: The way I see it is that everything, every point of view where we are in resistance, trying to justify our worth, trying to fight … Remember how I said I went from the damsel to the fighter and now I am in. I call it a conscious queen of choice I am by no means perfect I am a hot mess a lot. That’s more where I am standing, more and more and where this success and ease and health and well being is coming from. There is such an invitation to stay, to move from the damsel into the fighter, and you are wrong and that doesn’t work and you need to change and I am better than that and you need to honor me and I am kind of exaggerating.
But notice that there is a difference between a reaction and a choice. It’s really enticing to react and judge but all that does is feed the pendulum. It just feeds what’s not working. What truly I believe creates quantum leaps, transformations is a choice. A choice is based on nothing but your truth. It is not based on rearranging the furniture. It’s not based on rearranging rights, it’s not based on rearranging and making sure this time. They don’t da, da, da, da, da.
That just feeds it, so to me, it’s not a very popular point of view because it’s a whole new mindset. You might feel out of control but, this is not fair and this doesn’t work for me and I go good and I know this because for 12 years I fought it. I was just like a sitting duck. All they had to do was go, poke, poke, poke, poke. She doesn’t have a PhD and I bit it and I fought and they took me down. Well she probably sleeps with her clients and I bit it and I defended. That’s what kept that going for 12 years.
If I had just stood there and said well that’s a curious point of view. Here is the truth.
Melinda Wittstock: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
Allana Pratt: I didn’t. I wasn’t there yet. I hadn’t evolved that far yet. So they were just poking me and I was feeding the battle and I lost. No, this is kind of maybe a more spiritual conversation. A more quantum psychology conversation but really in the quantum field. When we change our destiny, when we change our life track, we don’t do it by fixing and changing and trying and hoping and fixing and evolving and improving … That just puts more energy on the old life track. What you resist persists.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, I love that-
Allana Pratt: How-
Melinda Wittstock: Because it’s so true. It’s so true.
Allana Pratt: One last statement just to finish that … how to change your world is to choose a completely new life track with no … so that I no longer da, da, da. So that he can no longer da, da, da. So that I can finally da, da, da. When you say that you go right back to the old life track. You just choose and you move in that direction and it can feel like blind faith but that is the way to create a quantum leap in a new reality in your life.
Melinda Wittstock: Mm-hmm (affirmative) oh, gosh this is so interesting. I love this because so many of us, and I know this is true of me. Where you get what you don’t want, so if you are fixated on that kind of okay. I don’t want this, or I don’t want … your mind doesn’t know the difference.
Allana Pratt: Yes, correct, correct.
Melinda Wittstock: And so, so often that’s why people end up like they live their whole lives to avoid something. Like pain from childhood, whatever and they get exactly that thing.
Allana Pratt: Yeah, that’s the quantum physics right there. Yup.
Melinda Wittstock: Right, and maybe it’s because when we couldn’t heal it. When we were children because we didn’t have a frontal lobe. Right, like literally without that like not a full deck and didn’t have really the context or anything, you are children. So maybe that’s one of the ways that we heal these things when we are older and just events transpire that it gets loud enough or unpleasant enough where you do actually really have to just let that go and peel away. I know now that I have arrived at this point where if something is triggering me or bothering me in some way.
It’s like, oh, thank you so much. How interesting, this is a really great opportunity, just let that go. I must have something inside that I don’t need anymore. So just let it go, bye and things don’t bother me.
Allana Pratt: Beautiful, oh, that’s so great to hear. Yeah, and when that trigger comes. To get on the bandwagon of rejection or resistance or judgment or superiority or competition or whatever. We can just … you can’t see me right now. But imagine my hands I am like an Aikido master, I am like wo yao. I just receive it, I put it right beside me. Put it down, oh, that’s interesting but I won’t bite anymore. I won’t get hooked anymore. I mean I am not perfect, but the idea is no, no I am in charge of my energy.
I am in charge of my thoughts and so I am not going to resist and keep that old thing going anymore. That roller coaster fed anymore. I say thank you, I let it go and I go. What is it I choose? I choose, and it’s all positive words. So it’s not, not something. It’s the positive version. I choose respect, collaboration, honor, abundance, making it like a difference. Start with the broader context and then go more specific to what is it you choose in your unique relationship. Your unique job. Giving of your unique gifts and stay on that new life track, that new destiny. That new space of variations.
In quantum physics, everything is out there already. Already manifested. That’s science. So what does it take for us to actually have a reality of living there. Feel the feelings of already being there. Choose it, see it. Not like a goal that you got to get and hold on to. That’s static, no it’s flow, it’s a process. When you visualize not just a static vision board but in your mind the vision. See yourself working with that client. Making love to that man, having vacations with your children. The process, the process of a life lived and not one day if I am good enough.
No feel the feelings of already receiving it like that I am so grateful. That is going to create changes in your money, your health, your business, your love life faster than anything.
Melinda Wittstock: Gosh, this is so true and I know that you are friends with my friend too. Christie Whitman and I am just thinking-
Allana Pratt: I am indeed-
Melinda Wittstock: I know, isn’t she amazing. As I hear you talk, I am thinking about her great new book Quantum Success. It’s all about this.
Allana Pratt: Mm-hmm (affirmative) that she wrote in the bathroom on her cold butt on the ship, did she tell you.
Melinda Wittstock: Yes. I think everybody does that when they are writing and I know you have four books. When you get writing and you just have … like it has to come out of you. You are like an instrument and if you have to sit on your butt in a ship or in a bathroom in the middle of the night whatever you have to do. You just have to get it out there for sure.
Allana Pratt: That’s right. I love these wonderful women that we are all playing together, supporting one another and thank you so much for who you are and what you do and what you are creating for us to take this all. It’s really a new paradigm and I still honor you.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. It was so interesting how I just took this leap. It felt right, sometimes some businesses of mine have been just very inspired in the sense that you are in alignment with it. And things manifest really easily. The right people show up at the right time and stuff like that. That’s just super cool and then other ones have been pushing a boulder up a mountain because they have been more willful.
Allana Pratt: Yeah.
Melinda Wittstock: This one is on a whole other level because it was just a massive give. It was just very much motivated by, you know what. It’s about time that we are all … I stand up to and I just be the change I want to see so if I want to see women really step into their true empowerment. True strong femininity that kind of balance between the archetype of masculine and feminine, right. Where we can really shine and like shine our light. Where we can actually show up and really help each other.
For business to each other, mentor each other, invest in each other in this abundant way. Wow, like I just want to go catalyze that. So just started doing it. And it’s amazing how things just fall into place and you just start doing whatever the thing is that you love to do. I realized for years, I have had this idea for years. I have been putting all kinds of things in front of it. Like oh, okay I will do that when I have done that. Or I will do that when I am, I was like wait a minute, no. No, no, no, no, don’t do that.
If it’s in your heart, just do it.
Allana Pratt: Yeah, totally and the other piece that I still acknowledge about this and it kind of goes back to what we were speaking of before. Like the polarities out there. I believe when we women are in our most radiant, most vulnerable strength. That is what awakens the best in a noble badass. They either step up or they step aside. That just trying to fix relationships and prove our worth and find a man that honors me and no more of a man that is a narcissist like all that kind.
That’s not the path, at least it certainly hasn’t been mine or my clients. It’s when we women are so rich and overflowing. Seeing our bodies, our creative energy as sacred and truly being there as sisters and shining in our truth as you are such a beautiful example. That energy is an invitation for men to be their best selves. It’s not our-
Melinda Wittstock: Bless you for saying that.
Allana Pratt: No, but it’s true. We can’t control them but we can invite them.
Melinda Wittstock: It’s true. Our power is that of attraction, when we are the light house instead of being in the spotlight. When we allow ourselves to shine in that way, it empowers men. It kind of heals men. I think we have … I have a theory right now that men are kind of lost.
Allana Pratt: Oh, yeah. I get a lot of male clients-
Melinda Wittstock: Right, and that women really are part of the solution here to helping them.
Allana Pratt: Well, we are part of the problem or part of the solution. Depending on which way we want to stand.
Melinda Wittstock: Well, a lot of it yeah but as we get out of our victim-hood, right. And start to really step into abundance, step into our authentic selves, dare to be … just be that as you say gives men the permission to be their best selves. And so it’s like a yin yang kind of thing. I think in healing ourselves we are also helping to heal men. Give them permission to be able to show their emotion.
Allana Pratt: Yeah-
Melinda Wittstock: Connect with their own vulnerability and all of these things. So I think that’s a really interesting and I know that you do a lot of work with men. In particular, I am thinking of the really cool thing you do. The Good Men Project.
Allana Pratt: Yeah, I have been a writer for them for years. It’s very fulfilling. What I found is when I was the damsel in distress. I wanted a man to save me so I found very controlling men that wanted to fix me and save me.
Melinda Wittstock: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
Allana Pratt: That didn’t work and then when I was in my masculine energy. I didn’t need them. I could do it all myself so I found men that will use me.
Melinda Wittstock: Yes-
Allana Pratt: Take advantage of me because there is not room to support me. So again, that’s why I am really showing these phases. Vulnerably of my own evolution. A queen can receive support and she also with a glance, don’t fuck with me-
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, perfect-
Allana Pratt: Also in a glance, lay your head against my breast. It’s been a horrible day out on the battle field hasn’t it and she is safe for him to be vulnerable with her. She has all these capacities and I think when we are overwhelmed, exhausted. Coming from scarcity and exhaustion. Fighter femininity, right when we are more in our masculine than our feminine. The reason why we are so alone is, we haven’t made any room for a man to support us. Because we can do it all ourselves; To receive his support after being betrayed, abandoned, used. All the things a lot of us have gone through.
Melinda Wittstock: You are right.
Allana Pratt: It takes so much inner healing and also inner discernment and awareness to. Not just open vulnerability to anybody. To really know the difference between a noble man and one that is there to take advantage of you but also have the bravery to open and receive support. And know who we are replenished, who we are nourished and supported. This is where we are going and yes I love to work with the men. To heal their hearts so that they can stand in their presence and really uplift the feminine from this noble place.
All this conversation is where I love to work with my clients and where we are going. Once all these women are empowered. That’s not the endgame to me. Then you awaken the best in men, the best in our sons. The best in our husbands, the best in our leaders. Step up or step aside because this is bringing up the best in them. And then that yin yang that occurs between relationships and on the planet. That’s what I am committed to, being a contribution to.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, that’s beautiful. Allana, I could talk to you for hours.
Allana Pratt: I get it. I love and adore you and we can wrap this up and I look forward to more conversations. Having you on my podcast. Thank you.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, I can hardly wait. How can people find you and work with you. I know you have a wonderful complementary training for everybody. Vulnerability is the new sexy and I love that title. How can people find that and how can people connect with you.
Allana Pratt: Oh, thank you so my website is my name allanapratt.com/vulnerability that’s how you get that complementary training. Please join me and subscribe on my YouTube channel. It’s over four million views now. I just love answering people’s questions so definitely ask me a question that I can answer there. And just be in my world, listen to the wonderful Melinda who is going to be on my podcast. Intimate conversations, so many ways that we can play together and let me love.
Melinda Wittstock: Oh, wonderful. Thank you so much Allana and congratulations on those numbers by the way on YouTube. That’s phenomenal.
Allana Pratt: Yeah, I love that platform to answer people’s questions, so thank you.
Melinda Wittstock: Awesome. Thanks so much. Thank you for putting on your wings and flying with us today.