871 Jan & Jillian Yuhas: Boundary Badass

Melinda Wittstock:

Coming up on Wings of Inspired Business:

Jan Yuhas:

Your values become your voice of reason when you’re faced with conflict or disconnects within our relationships. And I think a lot of times what happens is sometimes people aren’t aware of their triggers from their past. It could be childhood trauma, it could be a past relationship, could be anything that they experienced they’ve gone through where their needs aren’t being met. And so those emotional triggers pop up today. But the opposite of our emotional triggers in terms of getting our needs met is our values. So, for example, if someone’s feeling ignored or invalidated by something, then they need to set a boundary based on communication in order to get that need met.

Melinda Wittstock:

What does it mean to have boundaries, and what does it mean for your business and your life when boundaries are weak or not aligned with our values and true purpose? Jan and Jillian Yuhas are twin sisters, so they know a thing or two about establishing boundaries. They are the co-authors of the new book Boundary Badass, and today we learn what it means to be a Boundary Badass so you can grow confidence and resilience, enhance your communication and negotiation skills, and navigate complex or challenging relationships in business.

Melinda Wittstock:

Hi, I’m Melinda Wittstock and welcome to Wings of Inspired Business, where we share the inspiring entrepreneurial journeys epiphanies, and practical advice from successful female founders … so you have everything you need at your fingertips to build the business and life of your dreams. I’m a five-time serial entrepreneur and I’m all about paying it forward, so this podcast is all about catalyzing an ecosystem where women entrepreneurs mentor, promote, buy from, and invest in each other …Because together we’re stronger, and we all soar higher when we fly together.

Melinda Wittstock:

Today we meet two inspiring entrepreneurs and co-authors of the new book Boundary Badass. Twin sisters Jan and Jillian and they’re on a mission to help people navigate the intricacies of interpersonal dynamics. With their background in psychotherapy and family mediation, the Yuhas twins are committed to resolving relationship disconnects, and as business consultants, leveraging their insights to assist companies in establishing thriving workplace cultures. They describe their new book as a transformative journey designed to empower readers to voice their value, fulfill their emotional needs, and cultivate valuable connections through mastery of setting boundaries.

Jan and Jillian will be here in a moment, and first,

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Melinda Wittstock:

You’re already a badass and I know that because you’re listening to this podcast right now. And you’re about to also become a “boundary badass” because twin sister entrepreneurs and co-authors Jillian and Jan Yuhas are about to take us through how to align and ring fence your personal and business values with clear boundaries to guide decision-making, negotiation, communication and more. We talk about what having great boundaries means for your confidence, resilience, and self-belief, plus how best to navigate adverse circumstances and relationships while maintaining your integrity.

Melinda Wittstock:

Ready to fly with us as we explore the evolution of boundaries, the role of emotions in setting them, and the transformative process of unlearning self-sabotaging beliefs? Let’s put on our wings with the inspiring Jan and Jillian Yuhas and be sure to download the podcast app Podopolo so we can keep the conversation going after the episode.

[INTERVIEW]

Melinda Wittstock:

Jan and Jillian, welcome to Wings.

Jillian Yuhas:

Thank you for having us.

Melinda Wittstock:

Ok, so I want you to describe a Boundary Badass. What is a Boundary Badass, and how do you know if you are one?

Jillian Yuhas:

A boundary badass is someone who is confident in who they are and sort of can align with their truth and value even when facing challenges in life, the relationship. So, they know how to navigate adversity and still be able to articulate or communicate what’s important to them without shutting down or becoming reactive.  They really just believe in their worth and know that they provide value to whatever it is they’re about to share with others.

Melinda Wittstock:

Oh, my goodness. So that’s kind of a big thing. I mean, I don’t think a lot of people are there.

Jillian Yuhas:

Yeah, I would say it does require some self-discovery, self-improvement, and I think that once we get there, we experience this emotional freedom because we are able to heal from maybe past experiences and really hone into who we are as an individual. And that just creates that personal or professional alignment with ourselves.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. So, a lot of women in all walks of life, but let’s narrow it down to entrepreneurship, come into this wanting to be of service, wanting to give and giving so much, often out of an empty cup, putting everybody else ahead of themselves. And that is a boundary issue. No?

Jan Yuhas:

Yes, it is. Jan here speaking. Yes, it is. It’s a personal boundary issue. So even though we have relationship boundaries, we also have personal boundaries with ourselves. In order to be a giver or a service provider, as an entrepreneur, we have to be able to fill up our own cup first if we’re going to be able to serve our clients in the best way possible. And having those self-care, self-love, personal boundaries with ourselves every day is what’s going to elevate all of our other boundaries around our relationships around us.

Melinda Wittstock:

And I think of my own entrepreneurial journey and all the really badass female entrepreneurs I know, even at like $500 million exits, still struggle with their own personal value, still kind of struggle with that. What’s that about? Why do we have such a big issue with this?

Jillian Yuhas:

So, Jillian here, I think a lot of times it’s because we may be operating from emotion, or we may be feeling like we’re not doing enough for others or even for ourselves. And so, when we’re in that emotional state, we sort of step away and disconnect from our value system. It can be really helpful to identify our top five personal values and our top five professional values, because that sort of really helps us align to navigate when it comes to setting boundaries. Just like the same way we have company values as well, which may be very similar to your professional ones.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. So, when you have your own kind of personal mission or purpose statement or vision, and you have one for your company as well, if that’s very clear and you really clearly know who you are, what you want, why you’re here in an earth suit right now building a business, then at least it gives you. I guess what you’re saying is it gives you a framework for decision making, like, not only what you’re going to do, but who you’re going to do it with, correct?

Jan Yuhas:

Yes. Your values become your voice of reason when you’re faced with conflict or disconnects within our relationships. And I think a lot of times what happens is sometimes people aren’t aware of their triggers from their past. It could be childhood trauma, it could be a past relationship, could be anything that they experienced they’ve gone through where their needs aren’t being met. And so those emotional triggers pop up today. But the opposite of our emotional triggers in terms of getting our needs met is our values. So, for example, if someone’s feeling ignored or invalidated by something, then they need to set a boundary based on communication in order to get that need met.

Melinda Wittstock:

It could be with a client; it could be with a team member. I mean, really with anyone in the context of business. Often when things go awry, it’s poor communication. And how does the communication and the boundary piece kind of fit together? Because we don’t really know what we want, or we’re people pleasers, or something’s going on there.

Jillian Yuhas:

So typically, when we feel emotionally dysregulated, our body is going to send us, like a physiological cue that something doesn’t feel good. And so we can try to connect that emotion that we’re feeling to the value, and that’s going to help us identify when to establish that boundary, whether it is with a client or a business partnership or a team member, because that’s going to allow us to then speak up, because when we connect it to that value, it’s much easier to articulate than express our emotions using a value based framework, because it allows us to feel confident, because we’re not being as vulnerable when we’re having to use values versus our emotions, which makes it much easier to communicate.

Jan Yuhas:

Jan here, I want to touch on that as well. When it comes to business relationships, we’re not really communicating a place of emotion. What we are doing is addressing the disconnect within the relationship itself. So it could be that somebody has a different idea of the timeline of when a project is supposed to be Dubai. They could have different communication styles and response times when it comes to emails that they’re sending and when they’re expecting a response back. So, we’re addressing the disconnect from a big picture perspective. That way we’re not attacking anybody for who they are, but we’re just addressing the behavior that we’re experiencing in order to create greater alignment.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, because often they’re misaligned expectations, because at the very beginning of a relationship, say you hire somebody and those clear expectations aren’t agreed, right client, and you have different working styles, and you haven’t laid the groundwork ahead of time. So, I imagine that’s very important to do. And it’s a process that a lot of people skip over.

Jan Yuhas:

Yes. Company values or fundamental policies that they operate by are very important to make employees or other team members aware of from the start. But it doesn’t mean that that employee also doesn’t have a different operational system based on their belief system and who they are, even within the context of shared values such as trust or communication. So, it’s really important to figure out where that common ground is. Even if somebody has a shared value, they might see it very differently based on their perspectives.

Melinda Wittstock:

Something that I’ve seen happen, and I’ve experienced this before, either with a client or a customer or a team member, is that they’re a chameleon. You lay out all this stuff, you seem like you have alignment on all the things, and they agree, and they fit into the person that you think they are. But then suddenly they’re a chameleon. Suddenly they’re somebody different.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yes. So, we might look at that as maybe, perhaps a boundary breach or violation if there was an original agreement made. Then we can go back and address that by using open-ended questions to explore how come they’re no longer in agreement with that boundary that has been established and mutually agreed upon. And so, then we negotiate and decide, do we create a new boundary.

Jan Yuhas:

Or figure out how to support them.

Melinda Wittstock:

Or what needs to happen for them to go back to honoring their original agreement. So, we open up that conversation in a constructive manner by just exploring how come they’re no longer in agreement or how come they’re not honoring it today.

Melinda Wittstock:

So that assumes that people are in the realm of sort of logic or kind of reasonableness, right. And they want to resolve it, or they even want to have the conversation. My company, had this partnership with another company and the CEO of that company, is a full-blown narcissist. Which wasn’t clear at the beginning. There’s gas lighting, there’s all this kind of stuff going on. And it’s like, wait, what? How did this happen in a situation like that? How do you navigate it? But then, even more importantly, how do you find that out, like earlier?

Jan Yuhas:

Well, you’re going to find out based on somebody’s behavior. So usually with somebody with that type of personality, usually red flags are going to start to go off when there’s a lack of integrity, because most of the time, those type of individuals operating from dysregulated emotion, and they operate on chaos and control. And so, when you have somebody who’s operating that way, the best way to handle that is to ask discovery questions and put it back on them to explain the adverse behavior that you are experiencing. We might say previously we agreed to have meet this deadline by such a date in regards to this new launch that we’re trying to achieve. It seems like maybe we got off track here. Can you help me understand how we are still going to meet the deadline? I haven’t received XYZ. When do you think we will have that? So, you’re putting it back on them to explain their lack of integrity within the previous agreement that was made. But it’s not in a way that you’re attacking them.

Jan Yuhas:

It’s just you’re using your boundary in order to further explore where the lack of integrity lies.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. Because that kind of person can get very threatened because they could have a…

Jan Yuhas:

Nature to be very defensive. So that’s why we don’t want to attack them, which is why we don’t want to use why questions. Why questions can make people very defensive, such as why did you do that? Why haven’t received that? That immediately puts up a defense mechanism within somebody. So instead, we want to explore their perspective or their reasoning as to how come we haven’t received XYZ that we had previously agreed to.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. Interesting, because there are all these defensive tactics, like say, for instance, just kind of like not hearing or talking over or just flat out lying or those sorts of things. This is very fresh for me. And knowing how to stay in your own integrity and your boundary, but not be drawn into that kind of chaos yourself. Easier said than done.

Jillian Yuhas:

So, it’s really important to take a “we” mindset versus “me” versus “you” mentality. So, it’s we versus the relationship dynamic problem that we’re experiencing with that person and try to understand where they’re coming from and align. Because a lot of times when people feel heard or understood, they’re more likely to understand where we’re coming from. And so, we’re taking the high road and staying outside of that conflict that they’re presenting by just trying to understand where they’re coming from.

Jan Yuhas:

Because sometimes also that type of personality, it’s a subconscious defense mechanism, so they’re not always aware of their behaviors, even though once you bring it to their attention, yes, they have a responsibility to change the behavior if the business relationship is going to evolve and keep growing. But in the meantime, we need to understand where the disconnect lies, which, like she said, like you said, also, it’s staying in our own internal power and not taking offense to what it is that they might be projecting onto us or the relationship.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, that’s a really interesting dynamic of all of this is projection, because I think we all project to some degree. The question is, are we aware of it, and to what degree are we conscious and in the present and actually understanding that? Because we all are driven by our subconscious minds. 95% of our actions are based on our subconscious beliefs that were formed in the past. And it’s a clue, like what you get triggered by or who you attract into your life, all these sorts of things are kind of a clue to what you’re actually thinking, and you may not be aware of it.

Jan Yuhas:

Yeah, absolutely true. So usually, our belief systems are developed by age seven. Believe it or not, I know the.

Melinda Wittstock:

World is run by toddlers. We’re all…

Jan Yuhas:

So those prime developmental years have a huge impact in terms of how we’re operating throughout the rest of our lives and our relationships. And unless you really do some self-discovery work or really understand interpersonal relationships or communication skills, yeah, we’re going to be operating from our subconscious coping skills that we developed long ago.

Melinda Wittstock:

It’s a fascinating area and something that is so important, especially for women to master.

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Melinda Wittstock:

And we’re back with Jan and Jillian Yuhas, twin sisters and co-authors of the new book Boundary Badass.

[INTERVIEW CONTINUES]

Melinda Wittstock:

And so, what was the spark for both of you to get into this space to begin with and also write this amazing book that launched last week? What was the impetus?

Jillian Yuhas:

We grew up in a very small farm town of 900 people and then moved to a metropolitan city of 3 million. And so that was such a huge culture shock for us. And understanding that people didn’t have a lot of the same values as we had growing up in our family dynamic and small-town roots. And I think that caused us both to sort of face challenges with friendships, romantic partners, and then even in our first business endeavors, when we really started seeing that we needed to have these strong boundaries. Also, we worked with kids who had ran away from home, volunteering and doing family mediation. And that’s where our method sort of combines that interpersonal psychology and conflict resolution. But we had to go through our own transformation and understanding. We needed stronger boundaries.

Jan Yuhas:

Yeah.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, what were some of those things? Can you kind of paint a picture of what some of those big challenges were for you in that move from small town to big? Give us some examples.

Jan Yuhas:

Yeah, I would say we were definitely a little bit naive, and we were a little too trusting of other individuals. And so, we welcomed individuals into our lives that would break our trust or not be as honest as how we have grown up in terms of just being. Airing our feelings and expressing our needs and then not receiving respect in return was very painful and made us feel very powerless. And then we also experienced clients pushing outside of our contractual agreements and our first business. And that’s when we started really operating from our values and developed our boundary formula. So that was kind of the catalyst to realizing when we operated from values rather than emotion, which we had learned in grad school. That’s when we realized it was so much easier to resolve conflict. And this could be applied to every type of relationship dynamic.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah, so there’s the aligning of expectations and getting that right to begin with. What you were talking about before about it’s we not asking the why questions. All those sorts of things in the conflict resolution, say, a specific business case, you sort of mentioned it. Scope creep for people who have service-based business, for example, and you get alignment. You got your contract all kind of buttoned down, or maybe you don’t, but you haven’t anticipated every kind of possible thing that can go wrong, which is kind of what contracts are for. So, you go into this, you’re full of hope. You’re like, oh, this is so exciting. It’s going to be amazing.

Melinda Wittstock:

And it can be built on a fun house kind of foundation. Like, the foundation is not solid. So then you find yourself in, say, a scope creep and let’s just go through that particular thing. So I think that happens to a lot of people where they have a client that’s demanding more and more and more, but doesn’t want to pay as much, or maybe they decide they want to pay less or they’re not paying on time or like, I don’t know, there’s all these sorts of things going on.

Jan Yuhas:

Yeah. So that’s where you would want to use your discovery questions to explore how come they’re requesting more and more. Or you can always refer back to the contract as leverage and say, this is what we originally agreed upon, and if you’re wanting more services for X amount of number, or we can say, okay, what can you afford? And then I can tell you whether or not I can provide that or if I can provide something to you for that number. So, in a way, we’re opening up the conversation, but we never want to lower our value. But we’re so open to negotiating because we’re trying to also create that alignment and understand where this person’s coming from. Or if this person client isn’t necessarily responding to emails and you’re needing them to respond in regards to the work that you’re doing together, because obviously it’s a working relationship. This is where you might talk about what does communication look like when you meet with them next time. So that way that you have a clear understanding, or maybe they get overwhelmed with emails and they prefer a phone call or a text.

Jan Yuhas:

Well, then you figure out, how do we create agreement around that? Or what does that look like? And so, I think sometimes as much as we have our strong foundation in business, we don’t necessarily want to waiver too much, but we can also try to work with the client if they have certain ways of communication preferred, just to try to meet their needs and still maintain client relations.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. The other one that I find that can happen, too, is that the client doesn’t do the things that are necessary for the engagement to be successful and then turns around and says, and I’ve seen this with all kinds of women entrepreneurs I’ve mentored, had examples of this before where they don’t do their part of it but still expect the same result. Kind of the Einstein definition of insanity, like doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Jan Yuhas:

At that point in time, you might want to review roles or responsibilities each person has assigned in regards to the project. So, something you’d want to do up front anyways, in order to have clear boundaries of who has what responsibilities. But if somebody hasn’t followed through on something, then you would want to touch base with them and figure out if the roles and responsibilities in order to complete this project are still on par, if we’re going to finish on time, or where is there disconnect in regards to fulfilling those.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right, right. And that presupposes that you have people that are equally interested and willing to resolve it. I joke often people either want to be right or they want to be rich. People get very attached to their own thing, like where they just can’t see beyond their own kind of preconceived notion, whether it’s like how something’s going to be done, or these just sort of attachments to things, and it’s just not conscious, I suppose. Right.

Jan Yuhas:

They’re operating from a very fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. So, when you have somebody who’s operating from a fixed mindset, they operate on fear and control, and everything has to be black and white, rigid in terms of the way they see things and the way it needs to happen. But when you have a growth mindset, then you can navigate setbacks. You have more resilience. You’re figuring out a new approach in order to reach that goal, in order to best serve your needs, if you perhaps, maybe one of them is to financially flourish. So, the growth mindset comes from more the heart centered thinking and our value system.

Jillian Yuhas:

And I think, too, we can break down people’s communication by using our discovery questions to understand the way they are thinking about a certain situation as well, to explore how we can get to that middle ground or compromise. And so, using our discovery questions, we just keep asking more and more until we actually get to the root of the disconnect.

Melinda Wittstock:

Yeah. So, take me through that process of the discovery questions.

Jillian Yuhas:

Yeah. Can you share more about the team project and where you’re at with that? Or can you help me understand how come I haven’t received a response when we agreed that we were going to communicate by such and such date, or.

Jan Yuhas:

We originally agreed to reach these objectives? Have your objectives changed? Where do you see us aligning in regards to the new goals. Do you have new goals? So, you’re just really uncovering where the direct you have the ability to use discovery questions to indirectly guide the conversation and uncover where you want to go, because the more you understand the mindset of the other person with whatever block might be happening or disconnect in the relationship, the easier it is for you to position a solution.

Melinda Wittstock:

100%. So, the other area where women in particular have boundary issues is we get spread too thin. There’s us as a business owner, entrepreneur, there’s us as a mom, there’s us as a partner, like a wife, girlfriend, partner, et cetera, as a friend, as all these different things. And I think for women, sometimes all these things kind of blur together in a way where how to have, I guess, good boundaries between these different areas of our lives, because I think that’s where women get into a lot of overwhelm, potentially.

Jan Yuhas:

Yeah. Work life, love balance is very important. And so, this is why it’s really essential to have specific business hours of when you are operating your business and to be running your company. Not your company is running you, because otherwise it’ll run you to the ground if you don’t have operational boundaries in terms of how the company operates. And then that allows you also to. I have a daily planner of my schedules, by hour by hour, of when I’m fitting in my self-care, when I have business meetings, when I have time with friends or with a partner. So, it’s really important that you have, like, a time block schedule almost, in order to really balance your lifestyle and make time for everything that fulfills your heart. On a deeper level, I think, too.

Jillian Yuhas:

That helps us eliminate thinking, oh, my gosh, I haven’t seen this person a long time, or I haven’t maintained this relationship, whatever it is. I think a lot of times when we have that time block schedule, it can help us see that we’re taking care of ourselves, but also taking care of the people we value the most in our lives.

Melinda Wittstock:

It’s funny because you can get pulled in a lot of different directions because you perceive those. A lot of people have a lot of demands on your time. And so just getting very clear with yourself about that. My first business, I launched that when my daughter was six weeks old. Okay. It wasn’t intentional.

Melinda Wittstock:

It’s like I went out and I was raising money for it, and the launch date was kind of set. Everything was coming together. I didn’t plan to become, but I did become pregnant, and I just had to kind of roll with it. Right. So literally at launch, she was six weeks old. It was insane. I did it. But what I found over time is that being a mom actually, if I could get the boundary thing right, being a mom made me a better entrepreneur and CEO, and being a great, improving, great leader of teams and all that kind of stuff made me a better mom.

Melinda Wittstock:

But where I landed on that was presence. Like, when I’m with my kids, I’m with them 100%. Like, I’m really all in. I’m not thinking about the business and vice versa. And it took some time to kind of get there, but it really worked for me. So, it didn’t become a time thing, it became more of a quality of who you’re being in these different contexts. Is that kind of part of the kind of boundary badass kind of scenario?

Jan Yuhas:

It is, because our time is the one thing that we can’t get back. So, we want to make sure the relationships we do have in our life, those are valuable relationships that we get fulfillment from. And so, if you spread your time too thin and you’re trying to make everybody else happy and you’re neglecting those that are actually the most important to you, you’re going to feel like you’re being pulled at every single angle and you’re not going to be fulfilled in life. So sometimes it’s really important to make sure that you have quality relationships in your life, rather than quantity.

Melinda Wittstock:

Exactly. So, I mean, so much of this just comes down to personal growth. I mean, it’s just really kind of knowing yourself and being, like we said, your purpose, your mission, what you want, where you’re going, what matters to you, what makes you feel good, and just owning it. Right. Right.

Jan Yuhas:

The more clarity we have in our lives, the easier it is for us to navigate anything that comes at us.

Melinda Wittstock:

Well, I think, too, we’re always going to experience people’s projections or opinions, which aren’t facts. And so as long as we know who we are, it’s much easier for that kind of unfavorable comments or behavior sometimes, which we all experience in business, to roll off our back and not let it deter us from, towards going towards our actual ultimate goals, which is running the business or reaching our next level of success.

Jan Yuhas:

Right. Because when you operate from your values, you embrace the art of being unbothered by other people’s emotional projections or whatever they’re experiencing that they’re trying to put onto you, you don’t internalize it.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right, exactly. So, all this is so easier said than done because so many of us do internalize it. I think women are more prone to that than men. Do you find that?

Jillian Yuhas:

Yes, I would say women probably have more of a level of sensitivity, having more feminine energy as women. And that’s where we have to hone in and know that our empathy and our sensitivity, it has a purpose, but also knowing, not letting it get the best of us either. So, finding that balance with who we are, but also knowing that it serves a greater purpose, but also not letting it run its course. Like she said, don’t let your business run you. Same with our emotions.

Melinda Wittstock:

Don’t let our emotions run us 100%. And so, boundaries can change, I guess, over time as well, right, as we evolve?

Jan Yuhas:

Yes, they definitely can.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, talk through that process.

Jan Yuhas:

Yes, boundaries can definitely evolve over time. For example, in our personal lives, like.

Melinda Wittstock:

Becoming a new mother.

Jan Yuhas:

So, you might have had, like, date night two nights or three nights a week with your spouse before a baby came into the picture. Well, maybe you don’t have as much time. So, you renegotiate how often you’re going to go on date night. Maybe it’s once a week, maybe it’s every other week. But you’re still making sure that you’re honoring the relationship, even though there’s new dynamics that you have to navigate. Or when it comes to business, let’s say your business is growing and you’re wanting to create a whole other division or another product or another service. So you have to figure out how to navigate that within the foundations of the company now and whether. What new boundaries go into place in order to accommodate those different divisions that.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, Jan and Jillian, you know, as you’ve worked with people to kind of help them with all of this, how long does this process really take for somebody to really grow into the place where they have good boundaries? It seems to me that it’s not just like an instant, like, I’m going to make a decision today to have great boundaries, and it happens automatically. Right? Like there’s a process.

Jan Yuhas:

There is a process. It really depends on that person’s limiting beliefs or their actual inner voice and how aligned they are to their authentic truth or not. A lot of times when people come to us, there is a lot of false beliefs or limiting beliefs that come from childhood that we have to undo that are hindering their confidence or their belief within themselves to really voice their value. So, we’re undoing a lot of those maladaptive coping mechanisms that we may develop in childhood as defense or protectiveness in order to get to a place where we can fully evolve. And one of the quickest ways to start really owning your truth or aligning to your inner voice is to determine your top five values to operate by on a daily basis and write value statements every day that align to those values, such as, like, integrity or communication. She would write out a statement at the end of the day, I met up with my business partner and we executed XYZ as we previously agreed upon. I value integrity. So, you’re aligning your daily actions every day to your inner voice of your value system.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right. And you need, I guess, an accountability partner in all this, don’t you?

Melinda Wittstock:

You can.

Jan Yuhas:

Especially, I think, in the beginning stages, until you get used to having the new behaviors that you’re operating by or undoing those subconscious beliefs that may be hindering you or getting in the way, because a lot of times we’re not aware of that. So when we have someone to help us really recognize those self-sabotaging behaviors, such as procrastination or perfectionism, then we can really overcome it much quicker. And I would say the minimum amount of time it would take somebody to really undo some of their limiting beliefs and get outside of those self-sabotaging habits. The minimum would be like is three months, but it can take, obviously much longer. It just depends how dedicated the person is to really honing in on their voice. But you can start setting boundaries immediately once you learn the three-step formula.

Melinda Wittstock:

Right? So, I have to ask this because you’re twins, and so what about your own boundaries between you?

Jillian Yuhas:

Such a good question. We have our times of when we’re being personal with each other on a sisterly friend level, and then we have times when we’re doing business. We have to distinguish when we’re having personal conversation or business conversation throughout the days, but then also respecting our own personal lives outside of business, such as when we’re with our own family or friends and things of that nature. I think we do have to communicate them from time to time, especially so that way we stay aligned. Because obviously all relationships require open communication. But for the most part, I think we understand each other. When we’ve been with each other for many years, you start to learn each other’s ins and outs much very quickly. But I think being twins, it really helps us because we’ve always sort of had this “we” mindset.

Jan Yuhas:

If I was to make a decision or choice that’s going to impact her, I’m going to consult with her first. I think that’s also been very helpful with our relationship and having that we mentality from the beginning because we’ve always considered the other person before making a decision. I think that also helps us with our boundaries as well.

Melinda Wittstock:

100%. Well, that obviously is one of the reasons that you’re able to be experts in this, is that lived experienced of that we, because I think most people, especially in American society, we’re kept very divided. This whole idea that we’re separate from everybody else and in fact, we’re really not. I mean, we’re all energetic beings. We are influencing and being influenced all the time. We’re more connected than we know. And I think there’s just this rugged individualism, especially in business. Like I’m going to do, right? It can get in the way of the “we”.

Jan Yuhas:

Yes, it can. And it’s good to be driven and have personal goals you want to achieve. But in the day, there’s lots of other people that you’re going to also have to usually partner with in order to achieve the grand vision at the end of the day, if you want.

Melinda Wittstock:

To reach a goal.

Jan Yuhas:

So that we mindset is going to come in handy along the way, even if you’re a solo entrepreneur, but you’re having to hire lots of different other companies, maybe to help you reach your goal. Whether it’s a tech company or virtual assistant, whatever it is that you’re hiring, you’re still going to have to have the “we” mindset and interpersonal relationship skills in order to navigate those dynamics if you truly want to be successful and keep evolving and growing completely.

Melinda Wittstock:

I think for anybody listening that’s growing a business, this is kind of a critical skill to master. If you’re trying to grow, especially scale a business where you’re scaling a team, how well your team is working together and how aligned they are, spells the difference between success, failure. It totally translates into your bottom line. Same thing with your client relationships. Are you going to have good relationships with your clients? Are they going to become like customers? Are they going to become referenceable for you? So, mastering this is pretty critical.

Jan Yuhas:

Yeah, absolutely. In terms of relationship capital, we have to be able to know how to navigate those relationships. And like you said, it affects our bottom line in terms of, and one of the biggest things is having conflict resolution skills, which is where the boundary method can really help people navigate that with ease and not be fearful or feel guilty for speaking up. Maybe if their voice was shut down or told to keep quiet as a child in their personal life, but in their adult relationships and their business endeavors, knowing that your voice is actually powerful and using it is going to help transform those relationships and help elevate you as an individual along the way. So, it just becomes a huge transformation.

Melinda Wittstock:

So, everybody, you’ve got to go get the Boundary Badass book. All the details, of course, are in the show notes. And for anybody who wants to work with you, tell me about that process and who you work with and what’s the best way.

Jillian Yuhas:

We work with executives, entrepreneurs, small to medium sized companies, really helping people work on their relationship, intelligent skills, and conflict resolution so they can reach out to us@janjillion.com. And they can find all of our companies there listed. They can shoot us a message and set up a call, and we’ll go from there.

Melinda Wittstock:

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for putting on your wings and flying with us today.

Jan Yuhas [00:37:59]:

Thank you for having us.

[INTERVIEW ENDS}

Melinda Wittstock:

Jan and Jillian Yuhas are the co-authors of the new book, Boundary Badass.

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