Susan Bratton: The Dear Abby of Hot Sex

Melinda:                             My guest today on Wings of Inspired Business is Susan Bratton, a true SuperShero Entrepioneer. Susan is considered the “Dear Abby of Hot Sex” to fans all around the world. Her fresh approach to sex techniques and bedroom communication skills helps millions of people of all ages and across the gender spectrum transform sex into passion.
Susan, it’s so great to have you on. Welcome to Wings.
Susan Bratton:                  I’m feeling the wind beneath my wings right now, Melinda.
Melinda:                             Of course you are. It’s so wonderful to talk about this, because, you know, I think it’s about time that women are able to really claim this topic. Of course, it can’t have been easy. Talk to me a little bit about your journey and how you got to where you are right now.
Susan Bratton:                  Let’s see. It all started when my stepfather molested me when I was eight years old. Seriously. I know. It’s a funny way to start a conversation, but I think that was the original reason that I run a company teaching passionate lovemaking techniques. It was because I was sexually abused as a child. So many, so many women and men are. The first time I ever had sex I was using birth control and I got pregnant, and I had to have an abortion at 19 years old. I had a boyfriend kick me out of bed for being bad at sex. There were always these … I was looking my whole life for good sex, always hoping I would find it, and sometimes even wondering, “Maybe it’s not real. Maybe people are just saying it.” I’d even be paranoid that there wasn’t such a thing. Then I had a couple of brief glimmers of, “Oh, I can see why people might like this.” Then I met my husband. He and I really had a good sexual chemistry. I decided to marry him. He was ambitious. He was kind, and he was good in bed. He never asked me to reduce who I was. He had enough confidence to handle all of me.
Melinda:                             That’s beautiful.
Susan Bratton:                  We were married for 11 years, and our 11th wedding anniversary we had a child. She’s now 20. I’ve been married for 26 years. At the 11-year mark for us, we were busy with our careers and we were Silicon Valley executives, busy with our careers. I looked at him after two martinis. I was drunk. I said, “I’m not happy any more.” He said, “I’m not either. What are we going to do?” We said, “God, do we have to get divorced? I don’t want to have to keep going like this. You’re emotionally checked out of marriage.” He’s like, “Yeah. You don’t ever have sex with me.” We were just like at this impasse. The love had died.
We said, “It’s ridiculous.” I said to him, “I love you, I just don’t like you right now. I could trade you in, but I could never do better than you. I would just trade you in for a new model and that seems really stupid. Let’s work on our relationship.” The big issue for us was intimacy. Our intimacy had waned. Those love chemicals had gone away. We’d had a kid. Our careers were busy. I was traveling. I was handling $100 million worth of business and traveling all over the world. My marriage, my intimacy, my passion for my husband had died. A big part of the reason it had died was I never had orgasms from intercourse. I could have clitoral orgasms if I worked pretty hard at it, but I never had orgasms from intercourse. I got sick of having intercourse. He would have an orgasm, but I didn’t. Then I’d have one afterward. I had one before. I was like, “This whole thing is a little over rated.”
That’s why it just kind of faded. We ended up going to marriage counselors who were like, “This is just what happens. You have a more mature relationship now. You should find things you can do together that are more fun.” My husband was like, “You’re fired. That’s not the answer I’m looking for. That’s not the answer.” We ended up going to a therapist who uncovered the fact that because I’d been sexually abused, I was kind of checking out emotionally in my own sex life, which was a big part of the reason. It wasn’t just the lack of orgasms. It was also that I was dissociating from sex. She got us to come back together and for me to stay present in my lovemaking. Not just being two bodies using friction, but actually being connected. We were trying again to have good sex. We started taking workshops, tantric lovemaking workshops, and orgasmic meditation workshops. We walked on fire with Tony (Robbins). We did all these kinds of things.
All of a sudden it was like, “Damn. We learned so many things.” I was able to do what I call “bridge the orgasm gap”. The orgasm gap is the difference between the fact that 90% of the time when men have sex, they have an orgasm, and 55%-60% of the time, a woman can sometimes have an orgasm through penetration. We bridged that gap. I learned the tools, the techniques, and the skills. I expanded my pleasure map. I stayed present in my sex. I felt more confident about my sexuality. All these techniques: We had a renaissance of our whole relationship, because you know that when your intimacy is on fire, your life is on fire. We said, “Geez.”
At the time, we were transitioning out of some really good careers, but we didn’t want to go to work for someone else. We wanted to work together. We started a company called “Personal Life Media” 11 years ago this month. We wanted to bring all the things we learned in these edgy sex workshops online so that couples and singles anywhere in the world could learn the things that it takes to be on what I call “the upward pleasure spiral” instead of your sex life swirling down the toilet, like it happens for so many people. Nobody teaches us these things, and who’s going to go get naked in a workshop? Hardly anybody. But, the brave soul that I am, I did this for you. Actually, I did this to save my marriage. I went, “Whoa! I’ve got to share this with everybody.” That was the start of Personal Life Media, producing lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills for couples around the world.
Melinda:                             I think it’s amazing, because there are so many women who feel like they can’t talk about this, or there’s all this old fear, I guess, associated with it. What do you think is at the root of that? Why is it so hard for women to talk about their sexuality openly?
Susan Bratton:                  A couple of things. Number one, most of us got abused in some way. Most all of us are repressed by our society. All of us have body image issues from advertising. Most of us have sexual issues from religious oppression. That’s like five things.
Melinda:                             We have to, like, recover, right? There are so many things that we have to recover from.
Susan Bratton:                  Nobody teaches you anything. There’s no place to learn about sex. There is now, because I’m fixing that. Most people nowadays, not when we were growing up, but nowadays, there’s porn. They think that sex, which breaks my heart, because porn … They did this, Time Magazine did a research project where they did a random sample of pornography, and 96% of it was degrading to women. Now, men are learning how to have sex that degrades us. Let’s just throw that onto the bonfire of bullshit we have to deal with. Am I allowed to say bullshit on the podcast? Excellent.
Melinda:                             Yes, you can. No, but it is. This is so tricky. In creating a media company around it and all the forces, of course you’re distributed online. You’ve run into problems. Do you get confused with pornographers?
Susan Bratton:                  The last time you and I talked, YouTube had shut down my ability to send traffic from my hundreds of fantastic, if I don’t say so myself, YouTube videos that describe all kinds of things, from anatomy, to lovemaking techniques, to how to rekindle your passionate marriage, to the kind of compliments women want, to bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. I’m always talking about something interesting, and I try to get people to come to my website and sign up for my emails, because I’m an email marketing person. I tell you about my sex courses through email. People love my emails.
YouTube, I was getting enough clicks that it kind of noticed me and said, “You can’t send clicks from YouTube to You talk about sex.
Melinda:                             They classified you. Did you ever find out the cause was? Did someone just complain? When you think of the climate of the country and the religious right and all these people who might want to shut you down, did they ever give you an explanation for that?
Susan Bratton:                  They said my content on my website at, you decide for yourself, is too sexual in nature. I’m like, it’s about sexuality, but it’s about passionate lovemaking techniques and anatomy and sexual health and all kinds of things that people are desperate to know and no one teaches. The problem is YouTube; they just need to make sure that nobody gets upset. I understand it, so I’m building a new website. My YouTube channel’s called Better Lover. I’ve got the domain, which is awesome and expensive. Now I’m switching from Personal Life Media to Better Lover and I’m just going to have to sanitize it down into the most basic Pablum just to get people to click from YouTube to my site so that YouTube doesn’t get upset, even though I’m not going to satisfy the true and deep desires for knowledge that people have. I have to do “sex lite” to that I can even … That’s the thing. You can go to all these different websites, the Cosmo type of stuff. “Three sex positions that make him hot”. Everybody can write about that stuff, but I’m not allowed to write about your vestibular bulbs and why they’re important to stroke during lovemaking. Such a double standard, this is the world I live in.
Melinda:                             Yeah, it is a double standard. What’s wonderful about what you’re doing is it’s a part of … The mission of this podcast, one of them, is to really affirm and acclaim women who are stepping into their authentic feminine power. Sexuality is part of that that should be embraced. It’s a beautiful thing.
Susan Bratton:                  I would almost posit that our sexual power is our power. I don’t mean that you have to use sex to get power, but what I mean is that if you take the same exact woman, and one of those women is having hot sex and she’s multi-orgasmic and she feels really confident in the bedroom and she’s incredibly satisfied and pleasured by her partner or partners. Then you take that same exact woman, if you could clone her, and she’s not having sex, she’s got body image issues, that’s a part of her that she’s kind of left behind or ignored or given up or squandered, or whatever you want to call it, the woman who’s having hot sex is going to have a happier, healthier, more satisfying life. She’s going to have more vitality. She’s going to have more excitement and creativity, because our vitality is our sexuality. That’s the DNA’s swirl, two strands of equal and positive reaction taking us higher and higher.
Melinda:                             Yeah. You know, that’s interesting. I wonder if, and there probably is a correlation. Women who are having great sex, really self-actualized in that way, are their businesses being more successful?
Susan Bratton:                  I think you have to take care of your sex like you take care of your hair and your body and feeding yourself. It’s really hard for a lot of women. I’m on the [Winner of Wellness, 12:54] podcast or summit about leveraging the benefits of sex. There’s this new book out called “Sexy Brain” by Dr. Devaki Lindsey Berkson. It’s really good. She’s a doll. She’s a nerdy doctor. She studies primary research. She’s found multiple pieces of research that say that the sweet spot, if you really want to be healthy, sex three times a week, orgasmic sex, three times a week, takes you to a whole other level of health and longevity. For a lot of women, three times a week, they’re like, “Holy shit. I’d be happy if I had sex three times a month or three times a year.” How do you get there? What are the things that are holding us back from it? I’ve been looking at how do you overcome all the problems that there are, or the roadblocks? How do you remove the roadblocks to being in a really satisfied sexual lifestyle?
Melinda:                             It’s interesting. We talk on this show a lot about work life balance, or work life integration. You have a lot of female entrepreneurs who have a tendency to try and do everything. As women we tend to sometimes have a hard time delegating for instance. Maybe it’s the mom gene or something. When you add to it having little kids, like you described, and then trying to do everything in our businesses, especially it they’re early stage companies, and trying to do the house and be sexy. It’s just like it’s so much, and I think it’s a little bit of overwhelm.
One of the things that is fascinating about what you said, I’m going to pick up on the word intimacy. To be intimate, it’s not just about sex, it’s about really kind of loving and accepting yourself, isn’t it?
Susan Bratton:                  Yes. It is. Intimacy is vulnerability. Intimacy is letting yourself be seen in a true light and being loved for exactly who you are. Often we women sabotage ourselves. We sabotage ourselves in so many ways. Would you miss your microdermabrasion appointment? Why would you miss the opportunity to have an orgasm? Because there’s so much that it feels like goes into it, or you’re bored with your partner, or they’ve pissed you off, or you don’t have one, or you’re not feeling well, or your estrogen’s messed up and your vagina’s sore. It all sounds well and good to have sex three times a week, but … Yes, I’d love to be intimate, but oh my God, when you get there, there’s just a lot to this, too. Hmmm.
Melinda:                             Right. Also having the right partner. We talk about women entrepreneurs who succeed are usually with partners that really do have their backs and see the whole woman and really encourage them. If you’re with a partner, aside from your sex life, if you’re with a partner who is really not there for you or somehow who’s fear gets in your way, even if they’re well meaning and they say things like, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Susan Bratton:                  Yeah.
Melinda:                             It can totally get you off your mojo. Having that partner that really does see the whole you, I guess, is easier said than done.
Susan Bratton:                  This is a really good segue to my free gift, which I know we’ll talk more about at the end, but my free gift for your podcast is an excerpt from my best book. I don’t know if it’s the best book I’ve ever written. It’s so good. I’m super proud of it. It’s called “Sexual Soul Mates”. It’s over the last decade of studying, what it takes to have that quality of intimacy where you feel like your partner is your sexual soul mate. I’ve been working with thousands of people for over a decade. “Hey, try this and report back and tell me how it went. Try this now. Try this now.” I have walked so many people through rekindling their relationship, finding the one. These six essentials for connected sex are what turn sex into passionate, intimate, soulful lovemaking.
I’m going to give your listeners the Sexual Soul Mate pact, which, I think … It’s one of the six essentials. It’s a free except, a free chapter from my book. It’s one of the six techniques. Really what it’s about is understanding how your body, as a woman, is different from a man’s body, based on the fact that they’re run by testosterone and we’re driven by estrogen and they’re yin and they’re yang, and how you can have this agreement and understanding that takes into account the woman versus the man’s way of being sexual, and have you come together so that you feel like you’re both on the winning team together. It opens up your ability to ask for what you want even when it’s totally different from the last time, and the last time, and the last time you made love.
I was at the Bullet Proof conference with Dave Asprey. You love him. I love him. And Esther Perel whose [inaudible 00:18:03] “Mating in Captivity”. She’s got her new book out.
Melinda:                             Oh. She’s amazing. I love her work.
Susan Bratton:                  She’s got her new book out about infidelity, and she said, “People end up in my office.” She’s a psychotherapist, which I am not. I don’t do one on one coaching. I’m a publisher of hot sex techniques. I’m not the fix it when it’s broken. I’m more like take it to the next level. I’m like the forward, the lead out front kind of person. She said, “People end up in my office for two reasons. Number one is fighting. They can’t stop arguing. The second thing, and the large majority, is they have affairs.” Her new book is on infidelity. She said, “They cheat because they go elsewhere to find satisfaction because they have no skill for talking to each other in the bedroom.” That’s exactly what the Sexual Soul Mate pact is. It’s the pact between you and your partner that opens the doors and the format for being able to ask for what you want in the bedroom, so you don’t end up in the therapist’s office after somebody or both of you have had an affair.
Melinda:                             That’s wonderful. Asking for what you want is necessary for success in anything that you do. So many women put their own needs last, even as female CEOs and entrepreneurs. It’s interesting, this whole concept of asking for what you actually want. I found in life that a lot of people, first of all, don’t even know what they want. Even when they do know what they want, women in particular can lack the confidence. This can often manifest in business as well as in the bedroom. Susan, when you think of yourself as a female CEO, as a female entrepreneur, have these issues ever been difficult for you in business? If so, how have you overcome them, or what advice would you give women to actually ask for what they want?
Susan Bratton:                  A couple of things. Number one, of course, I’ve had trouble asking for what I want. It gets a lot easier as you get older because you have more experience. You know what the possibilities might be and you just generally … your confidence continues to grow throughout your life. Confidence is a practice. It’s not a talent. It’s a skill. Even if you’re not born confident. a lot of people think, “I’m an introvert, so I need to act really aggressive to get what I want, because I see all these extroverts just like blah blah blah.” What I would say is a couple of things. Number one, if you don’t know what you want, it’s okay to ask for what is possible.
A good leader will say, “I know what we’re doing isn’t right. What are some possibilities for what we could do?” Or, “I think we’re 50% of the way there, but I don’t feel like we’re asking all the right questions. Could we just stop, drop and brainstorm for a minute? Let’s just not go with the first solution. Let’s think about this. Let’s bring all our collective skills and knowledge.”
One of the things I think generally is that women are very good at team-oriented conversations, bringing people together, making sure everyone is heard, and making sure that people have the opportunity to provide their opinion. In the CEO role, I think that … some people think that the CEO is just the boss and says what to do. “Here’s what we’re going to do.” It’s actually a process of exploration and enrollment, I guess, is what I would say.
Melinda:                             That’s lovely. I love that. Enrollment.
Susan Bratton:                  Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s the same in sexuality. For women, as the feminine, with men, who are masculine, our job is to invite men to come forward and take us where we want to go. It works in the boardroom and the bedroom, really. The idea of invitation, of calling people to more possibility, which I think is ultimately what the CEO role is. The CEO role is vision, leadership, team integration and being willing to say, “Okay. We’re in this business. This model isn’t working right. How do we fix this model so we optimize it for revenue conscious capitalism, taking care of our customers, taking care of our employees, if you have shareholders.”
Melinda:                             I love that you mention conscious capitalism because all the trends point to the companies that have these more evolved enterprise conscious capitalism models do better and outperform the rest. In this style of leadership, women are uniquely suited to do extremely well in this particular time in history, assuming that we do step into our authentic feminine power. That feminine power looks different than masculine power. I don’t know whether we can succeed when we try to be like dudes. I don’t think that it’s authentic and it doesn’t work. Is it as simple as sort of the guy, archetypically, would go out and go hunt and kill the wildebeest and bring it back: Very linear, very task-oriented, very much pursuit, whereas the woman is more the relationship, making sure that all the different pieces … it is like enrollment in that sense.
Susan Bratton:                  Yeah. Keeping her eye on everything.
Melinda:                             Yeah. Are we still really in those archetypal roles?
Susan Bratton:                  Here’s one of the beautiful things about the LBGT movement. That is that … and the transgender equality movement is that we’re suddenly becoming more aware, as a culture, that every one of us has points across the masculine-feminine spectrum in our persona, in our personality.
Melinda:                             I so agree with that.
Susan Bratton:                  Because we’re estrogen dominant as females, we’re cyclical. We’re hormonal. We have hormonal cycles, so we ebb and we flow like the moon sets and rises. Honoring the fact that we have all those things. I’m a completely feminine badass momma. I am all of those things. The multitudes within us, right? It’s the idea that, first of all, it’s no fun in business when there are no women. Dudes don’t like it either. Men would always be happy if there’s gender balance. It’s perfectly acceptable for us to honor the feminine in men, the soft side in men, as it is for them to honor the toughness and the masculine in our feminine. What I think is that more and more, women are able to be truly feminine in the work force, and it doesn’t make us look bad. It’s actually more desirable when you are a feminine badass. It’s more fun than when you’re trying to act like a dude and be your badass self. I think thing are changing, and they’re changing very quickly. I would encourage any woman to just be herself, whatever that is, in that moment, as much as possible.
The thing to watch out for is triggering discomfort in others. As long as you are aware that your behavior could make someone uncomfortable, that’s when to temper what you’re doing. Being what you think others want you to be, the end of that game is a bad one. Being who you are and honoring your cyclical femininity brings more joy into all interactions, including business, when you’re aware of the other people around you and the impact you have on them. Once we women really start living into the appetites that we have, whether those are sexual, financial, life experience. My God, we are so powerful. We can move mountains. We can change the world once we do it the way it’s truly emanating out of us. That’s when it starts to get really good, when you’re not even aware of what you’re doing, because you’re just being. In the being, your true power is shining through.
Melinda:                             That is so beautifully said.
Susan Bratton:                  Thank you.
Melinda:                             The abundance and flow of that and what we really have at our fingertips if we just go and seize it. That is absolutely right. Susan, I want to talk a little bit more about business, because you are a genius at generating revenue. For a long time in Silicon Valley, and all those technology companies where you worked in a sales role, and massively built up so much value for shareholders and companies that exited. Now, obviously, with Personal Life Media. What is your mindset and approach to generating revenue for your business?
Susan Bratton:                  I love a win-win. I’m a real Kumbaya sucker. What I like to do is create opportunities that everyone that that initiative touches is a winner, whether that’s the customer, the partner, myself, whatever it might be. We work with over 100 dealers. We would essentially call them, we call them affiliates or JV, joint venture partners. We promote for them and they promote for us, because we have 20 online lovemaking programs, but a lot of partners love to promote our products to their customers and followers. We do the same for things that they do that we don’t create ourselves that are excellent, that our fans and followers want to know about. We’re very much in the win-win supporting and growing each other’s businesses for the benefit of all the people who trust us to teach them things that change their life.
Very early on, I was lucky enough to get a job … I was a purchasing agent. My mom got me a job when I was 19 years old. I was going to school at night. I put myself through night school. Got my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration when I was 26, and then started my first company. When I was working for other people, and I worked for other people over the years as well, that early job in purchasing, all the salespeople would come in and call on me. I looked at them, and I was like, “They have the good job. They don’t have to stay in this office all day. They get to drive and take people to lunch. They get to go visit people and chitchat with them. They’re making five times … How much money do you make? Oh my God. That’s five times what I make in this job. I’m getting that job.”
I got into sales. I didn’t know anything about sales, but I got hired because I was tenacious and a go-getter, and also cute. That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with using all of your talents for your job. I got to go on a whole bunch of sales calls with … I lived in Phoenix Arizona at the time. All these really super cowboy-type old dudes that were in sales: They taught me so much about selling, about the art of selling. I always loved selling.
Selling is creating win-wins. That is what I’ve done my whole life to generate revenues. I’ve created new opportunities in next generation technologies that create win-win-wins all around. When you think about it that way … I always wanted to be in the money stream. I always wanted to be where the revenue is coming in, because that is the most recession proof role there is. When you’re plying the revenue river, you are the last one dumped out of the boat.
Melinda:                             That is so true. What are some of the ways that women get in their own way, though, with sales? You’re obviously like an amazing salesperson and … I see it manifest in so many ways. We don’t ask for our actual value. We don’t even ask at all, or we take it personally if we get a no. What are some of the other ways that we get in our way or are those the main ones? How do we get out of our own way to be able to close deals?
Susan Bratton:                  Yeah. The first one is not asking for the order. Just literally not saying, “I would like you to buy this for me and the deadline is this.” Why is this going to be the thing? Asking for the order is number one. Number two: what you said, don’t take it personally. Sales is a numbers game: You just have to have the traffic, a number of people. You’ve got to have deals in the pipeline. Most of what happens is you have to have a good offer. Don’t work for a shitty company with a bad offer. Number one. Be choosy.. go for good brands, go for products you believe in. Don’t be afraid to change businesses. Don’t be afraid to do informational interviews. Don’t be afraid to be a fan and go to work for a company that you’re a fan of. Don’t end up taking a job that you don’t believe in, if possible. I’ve had some jobs where I’ve been like, “I’m going to see. If I still hate this in six months, I’m out of here.” And I was. You can’t always know everything going in. That’s okay.
Melinda:                             That’s true even of your own business. There are a lot of people who start businesses that aren’t necessarily aligned with their true passion or their true purpose in life. That can be a very uphill struggle to sell even your own products if it’s not something that deep down, in your inner soul, if you will, that you’re not actually in line. You’re doing it because you think you should do it, as opposed to it’s just who you are.
Susan Bratton:                  The other thing about that is – don’t be a good girl and just be satisfied with some shitty product. Why don’t you say, “You know what? This product could really be improved. Here are the three things I think we need to do with it, because I don’t think our customers are as happy as they could be.” Speaking up about that.
It’s also deals in the pipeline. That’s another really big thing. You’ve got to hustle. If you’re in sales, you’ve go to hustle. You’ve got to qualify your prospects so you save your energy. You have to understand why it’s a win-win-win, and then you have to have a lot of deals in the pipeline so that when one person says no, you’ve got 25 more people you can ask for the order from, because that is also the trick. Just having enough deal flow. That’s in dating as well as in business.
Melinda:                             Yeah. Deals in dating. Absolutely. It’s true.
Susan Bratton:                  It is. That’s what I love about Tinder and some of the new apps. That’s what I love about online dating. People are like, “I’ve gone on so many dates.” I’m like, “And you’re complaining about that? Really what you’ve done is you’ve incremented your knowledge about what you want and don’t want, and you’ve learned about so many people. When you find the one you like, you’re going to know for sure that’s the person that you’re most interested in, because you had deal flow.” Don’t give up when you’ve had 23 bad dates. That’s just deal flow. Keep on going. When one person says no, you pick up the phone or you do what you need to do. You make your next sales call. When you go on a crappy date, you go, “Okay. That was interesting. Next.” That’s deal flow. That’s what keeps you successful.
Melinda:                             Yeah. Shake it off. Shake it off and keep going. Absolutely. If there’s one word that describes to you or to everybody why Susan Bratton, you are so successful and have had such a successful career, what is that word?
Susan Bratton:                  You’ve seen this on my bookcase. I have my license plates.
Melinda:                             You’re giving it away.
Susan Bratton:                  I know you do.
Melinda:                             I had the answer already.
Susan Bratton:                  That’s probably why you’re asking me.
Melinda:                             I’m sure our listeners don’t. I want it in your own words.
Susan Bratton:                  Well, when I was 19 years old and I got my first sales job, and I was the buyer, the purchasing agent, and I wanted to become the salesperson, one of my sales guys called me up. He’s like, “We have a job opening in our company.” I went and I interviewed. The guy, the hiring manager said, “You don’t have any experience, but you’re tenacious, so I’m going to give you a chance.” I said, “Thank you.” You remember this story. I went home and I looked it up in my dictionary, because there was no Internet. I’m like, “What does tenacious mean?” I didn’t know. I looked it up, and I was like, “Okay. This is strong, committed, and resistant to negativity. You’re going to make it happen.” Tenacious also means you have tenacity. My word that I have had for the last 35 years in business is tenacity. I’ve had it on my license plate 35 years in both states in which I’ve lived. TNACTY – because it was six letters in Arizona. When the going gets tough, the tough get tenacious.
Melinda:                             They certainly do. If you could give women coming up behind you any advice, what would that advice be?
Susan Bratton:                  Wow. I really want to talk about their clitoral structure, but I know this is a business show, so can I do two?
Melinda:                             You can do that. It may well affect their business success, so why not? Go for it.
Susan Bratton:                  I want you to know that your clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg of your pleasure, and that your clitoris is actually a three-dimensional structure that goes up inside your vulva. What’s really important for you for having really good sexual pleasure and satisfaction of your sexuality, which will help you feel more confident, more connected to yourself, more rooted to the planet, and more connected to other beings, is to make sure that when you make love, when you have sex, when you do any kind of sexual activity, even when you masturbate, I want you to go online and I want you to look at three dimensional clitoral structure videos. Just Google 3-D clit, and you’ll see what your clitoris looks like. Then you’ll realize that you have all of that is erectile tissue, and that is all up inside you. It’s all strokeable and touchable. Don’t have sex without a clitoral erection, because you wouldn’t expect a guy to have sex without an erection of his penis. You have a penis inside you, and it’s not getting enough love, engorgement, which means bringing the blood and swelling its tissue, enough stimulation, enough pleasure, enough licking and touching.
What I want you to do is I want you to allow yourselves to be fully pleasured using the communication technique in the Sexual Soul Mate pact, which is at That’s pact. A pact is an agreement between two people. This is your agreement:  to get the pleasure that is your human birthright, even with a partner you think is un-trainable now. I can tell you that men do like to give women incredible pleasure. By the way, this works as well for people across the gender spectrum. If you are a lesbian, if you are a transgender, if you are anything, calling all boys, everybody. This is for you. Having that level of pleasure in your personal life will inform and support your badassery in business.
Melinda:                             I love that. We’ll have all the details for this in the show notes as well. You can always go and click on that link, on personallifemedia. You know, Susan, what’s remarkable about this is I think so many women don’t understand our own body. This whole idea of a 3-D clit. It’s probably new to a lot of people listening.
Susan Bratton:                  Of course it is. It was news to me until the last year. I mean, we’re just constantly learning so much. I love seeing these 3-D clits. It’s really cool. I’m like, “Oh my God. That’s inside me? I need to make sure I access all of that now.”
Melinda:                             The other thing that you said though … Yeah, exactly. The other thing you said is that men actually get tremendous pleasure from pleasuring a woman.
Susan Bratton:                  Oh, it’s their number one thing.
Melinda:                             So yeah. Going back to, it kind of connects to your win-win-win structure.
Susan Bratton:                  Yes. It does.
Melinda:                             Okay. What other piece of business advice because you’re in the Silicon Valley area? Women still struggle to get access to enough capital, particularly technology entrepreneurs. Everyone’s heard all the stories of sexual harassment, of course, and the whole PC world, or whatever. What’s your take on all of that, and what could we do to get better at getting capital for these emerging growth technology companies? These great disruptive companies that so many women are leading now, but are still under-capitalized?
Susan Bratton:                  The best way to get capital is to have a lot of deal flow with investors. The best way to do that is to network. If you’re not good with numbers, spreadsheets and projections and things like that, your best bet is to get a right-hand person, man or woman, who can do all of those things that you’re not good at, and feed you the information that you need to be successful. Ultimately, it’s getting out there and hustling. It’s the clickety-clack of the heels on the pavement. You’ve got to go see people, you’ve got to pitch them, you’ve got to get feedback, and you’ve got to work on it. You’ve just got to keep going. The money’s out there!
Melinda:                             It’s the same as the sale. It’s the tenacity.
Susan Bratton:                  Yeah. You flow in tenacity.
Melinda:                             I love it. I’m going to have to go put your license plate picture on the website. Yes please. So, Susan, thank you so much for coming on and sharing what you do. It’s so important that women can embrace their full selves and their sexuality in this way and the connection to business, of course, is fascinating. Thank you, too, for your “me too”. I’ve seen and have been moved by so many women, all of us who’ve had our me too moments, in different ways, standing up on social media and claiming it. It’s brave and wonderful. Thank you for sharing your story.
Susan Bratton:                  I came through it and I’m a winner because of the things that happened to me. You just move through them. You learn from them and say, “Okay. Great. Now it’s made me what I am now.”
Melinda:                             As a true alchemist: to be able to turn coal into gold or diamonds. Personal transformation. Thank you so much for putting on your wings and flying with me today.
Susan Bratton:                  It was a great ride.
Melinda:                             Susan Bratton, entre-pioneering “Dear Abby of hot sex” – advising women and men how to find intimacy and passion in their lives.

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